First Preparations for a Wedding
FOR A CHURCH WEDDING OF IMPORTANCE

A sailor and his bride in the 1940s — possibly during World War II. Photo courtesy of lovedaylemon, on Flickr.

To begin with, before deciding the date of the wedding, the bride alone, or more probably with her mother, must find out definitely on which day the clergyman who is to perform the ceremony is disengaged, and make sure the church is bespoken for no other service. If it is to be a very important wedding, she must also see that the time available for the church is convenient for the caterer as well.

Having settled upon a day and hour, she next decides on the number of guests that can be provided for; this is determined by the size of the church and the house, and the type of reception intended.

THE INVITATIONS

The bride-elect and her mother then go to the stationer and decide details, such as size and texture of paper and style of engraving, for the invitations. The order is given about two months in advance for the engraving of all the necessary plates, and for a moderate number of invitations or announcements, which may be increased later when the lists are completed and the definite number known.

BOTH MOTHERS MAKE WEDDING LISTS

The bride's mother then consults with the groom, or more likely ,with his mother, about how the house list is to be divided between them. If the families have long been friends and it is decided that two hundred may be included at the breakfast, Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Smartlington each make a list of one hundred and fifty or more, according to the names likely to be duplicated. But if their friends are in different circles, each would have to limit her list to one hundred.

If the groom's people live in another place, invitations to the house may be sent liberally, as the proportion of guests who will take a long trip seldom exceeds that of the immediate family and such intimate friends as might be asked to the smallest of receptions.

CHURCH INVITATIONS UNLIMITED

Invitations to a big church wedding are always sent to the entire visiting list, and often to the business acquaintances of both families, no matter how large the combined number may be or whether they can by any chance be present or not. Even people in deep mourning are included, as well as those who live thousands of miles away, for the invitations not merely proffer hospitality, but are messengers carrying the news of the marriage.

After a house wedding, or a private ceremony where invitations had to be limited to relatives and personal friends of the young couple, general announcements are sent out to the entire visiting list.

THE LIST FOR THE LARGE WEDDING

In the cities where a Social Register or other Visiting Book is published, people find it easiest to read it through, marking "XX" in front of the names of family members and intimate friends who must be asked to the house, and "✓" in front of those to be asked to the church only, or to have announcements sent them. If the reception list is unavoidably limited, certain names are marked with a simple "X," meaning that these are to have house invitations if possible. Names which do not appear in the printed list are added, of course, as "thought of." In country places and smaller cities, or where a published list is not available or of sufficient use, the best assistant is the telephone book.

A word of warning: To leave out old friends because you think them unimportant and to include comparative strangers because they are of great importance, not only shows a want of loyalty and proper feeling, but invites the contempt of those very ones whom such snobbery seeks to impress.

Four lists, therefore, are combined in sending out wedding invitations; the bride and the groom make one each of their own friends, to which is added the visiting list of the bride's family (made out by her mother or other near relative) and the visiting list of the groom's family (made out by his mother or a relative). When the lists have been completed, the bride's mother counts the combined number of double X's, and if she finds that the guests can include, let us say fifty more, she tells the bridegroom's mother that she can change twenty-five single X names into double ones. On the other hand, should the total number of double X's be too many, distress in having to cut the list is the result.

At a typical wedding, friends are asked to the reception as well as to the church, and acquaintances to the church only. If the wedding is to be in the house, or is otherwise very small, so that none but families and intimate friends are invited, announcements are sent to all uninvited acquaintances.

INVITATION ALWAYS A COMPLIMENT

An invitation sent to someone thousands of miles away is entirely proper, since its meaning is, "We would like to have you with us, were it possible for you to be here."

When lists are very long, the compiling is usually done by a professional secretary, who also addresses the envelopes, encloses the proper number of cards, and seals, stamps and posts the invitations. The address of a professional secretary can always be furnished by the stationer. Where lists do not run to great length, the envelopes are addressed and the invitations sent out by the bride herself and some of her friends who volunteer to help her.

THE MOST ELABORATE WEDDING POSSIBLE

Whether in the city or the country, the church is decorated with masses of flowers in some such elaborateness as standards, or sprays tied to the pew ends, as well as the floral embellishment of the chancel. The service is perhaps conducted by a bishop or another distinguished clergyman, with an assistant clergyman, and accompanied by a full choral service, possibly with the addition of a celebrated church soloist. The clothes of the bride and her maids are chosen with seeming disregard of cost.

Later, at the house, there is not only a floral bower under which the bridal couple receives, but every room has been turned into a veritable woodland or garden, so massed are the plants and flowers. An orchestra—or two, so that the playing may be without intermission—is hidden behind palms in the hall or wherever most convenient. A huge canopied platform is built on the lawn or added to the veranda (or built out over the yard of a city house). It is packed with small each seating four, six, or eight, as may be preferred or as space.

THE USUAL FASHIONABLE WEDDING

The more usual fashionable wedding is merely a modification of the one outlined above. The chancel of the church is decorated—but less lavishly—and, except in summer, when garden flowers are to be in profusion, there is very little attempted in the body of the church other than sprays of flowers at the ends of the ten to twenty pews, or possibly only at the ends of the first two pews and the two that mark the beginning of the ribboned section. There is occasionally a choral service and a distinguished officiating clergyman. Except for the background against which the bride and groom receive, there is very little floral decoration at the reception.

A number of small tables in the dining room may seat perhaps, twenty or even fifty guests, or perhaps a hundred are served from a buffet; the bride's table is placed in another room. If the bride has no attendants, she and the groom choose a few best friends to sit at the table with them.

THE WEDDING OF A CINDERELLA

The bride and groom in this tinted 1940s photograph cut the essential wedding cake. Photo courtesy of lovedaylemon, on Flickr.
When the bride's family are not particularly well off—and how many families are not in this day!—it is not only inadvisable to attempt expenditure beyond what they can afford, but they would lay themselves open to greater criticism through inappropriate lavishness than through moderate arrangement—which need not by any means lack charm, or even perfection.

Some years ago there was an extremely fashionable wedding which will be remembered always by every witness in spite of, or maybe because of, its utter lack of costliness.

It was in June in the country. The invitations were by word of mouth to neighbors and personal notes to the groom's relatives at a distance. The village church was decorated by the bride and her friends with dogwood, than which nothing is more bride-like or beautiful. The shabbiness of her father's house was smothered with flowers and branches cut—with an eye to pruning and not destroying the trees—far back in the thickets of a neighboring wood. Her dress, made by herself, was of tarlatan covered with a layer or two of tulle, and her veil was of tulle fastened with a spray, as was her girdle, of natural bridal wreath and laurel leaves. Her bouquet was of trailing bridal wreath and white lilacs. She was very young, and divinely beautiful. and fresh and sweet. The tulle for her dress and veil and her thin silk stockings and white satin slippers represented the entire outlay of any importance for her costume. A little sister in smock of pink sateen, with a wreath and tight bouquet of pink laurel clusters, toddled after her and held her bouquet—after first laying her own on the floor!

The breakfast was as satisfying to the taste as the dresses of the bride and bridesmaid were to the eye. A home-made wedding cake, "professionally" iced and big enough for everyone to take home a slice in waxed paper piled near for the purpose, and a white wine cup, were the most pretentious offerings. In addition there were hot biscuits, cocoa, coffee and scrambled eggs and the "music" was a phonograph. The bride's "going away" dress was of brown Holland linen and her hat a plain little affair as simple as her dress; again her only expenditure was on shoes, stockings and gloves. Later, she had all the clothes that money could buy, but in none of them was she ever more lovely than in her cloud-like wedding dress of tarlatan and tulle, and the plain little frock in which she drove away.

A BIG CHURCH MADE SMALL

A wedding may of course be smaller, much, than this Cinderella one.

If it is to be in church and only the two or three first pews are to be occupied, the effect of emptiness may be entirely overcome by making a hedge of small trees or branches across the pews that form the boundary. Such a hedge was made by renting a dozen lengths of two-inch lumber, six feet long and four inches wide, from a builder. Tree branches were nailed on one side only of each upright, making flat but wide tree trimmings which were then used to screen in the first eight pews on either side of the center aisle by merely propping them against the backs of the pews in front and against the partitions between the center and side pews. A few extra ones were made to stand alone in Christmas-tree holders. The effect was that of a small, green-hedged chapel which was further accentuated by having the chancel and this chapel interior brilliantly lighted, and putting all the other lights in the church out. The wedding procession came down the center aisle and entered the enclosure through an opening made by the sexton, who lifted a standing tree out of the way and closed it again as soon as the recessional had passed through. The guests came in and went out by a side aisle which led into the improvised chapel.

This arrangement gives to the smallest possible wedding all the solemn beauty of church surroundings, including organ music.

RECEIVING IN CHURCH, A FRIENDLY CUSTOM

When the marriage takes place in a church and there is to be no reception afterward, the bride and groom often follow the friendly and charming custom of waiting after the recessional in the vestibule the church, in order to receive the good wishes of the congregation as it passes out.

THE EVENING WEDDING

All through the South and generally throughout the West smartest weddings are celebrated at nine o'clock in the evening. There is a reason for the evening wedding in the South. The heat of the day has passed and the coolness of the evening, which lends itself better to festivities and to dancing, which has always been a wedding-supper feature, prevails.

The details are precisely the same as those of morning or afternoon. In fashionable Southern circles the bride and bridesmaids wear dresses that are perhaps more elaborate and "evening" in type, and the bridegroom, as well as all men present, wear full evening clothes and the women dress as though going to a ball. For the church ceremony, the women should wear light scarfs of some sort around their shoulders and over their hair, in compliance with the regulations forbidding the uncovering of women's heads and shoulders in consecrated places of worship.

In simpler communities the guests wear exactly what they would wear to evening service in church—a good dress and hat by the women, and dark daytime suits of clothes by the men.

THE EARLY MORNING WEDDING

Among Catholics, an eight o'clock morning wedding is not unusual, and its details are precisely the same as for later hours. But for others, who are perhaps boarding an early morning train or ship, and who would especially like the informality to which such an hour lends itself, a wedding may be carried out as follows:

The bride could wear any simple dress of plain material. She would wear a veil, of course, but of tulle instead of lace, either falling to the hem of her dress or of finger length. She would, of course, carry, a bouquet, but probably of moderate size, and no gloves—unless she carries a prayer-book instead of a bouquet,

Her attendants might wear the simplest sort of morning dresses (with long skirts) and garden hats; the groom and his best man, sack suits or flannels. And the breakfast—really breakfast—might consist of toast and coffee and griddle cakes!

In fact, a small early-morning wedding—where everyone is dressed in morning clothes, and where the breakfast suggests the first meal of the day—can be perfectly enchanting.

A MARRIAGE AT THE PARSONAGE

Marriages are often performed in the clergymanÕs study or in another room at the parsonage. But such a ceremony is merely a marriage and not a wedding.

On such an occasion the clergyman should be notified ahead of time regarding the hour set. The bride and bridegroom go together and are met at the parsonage by the members of their families and the two or three friends invited. When all are assembled, the bridegroom tells the clergyman they are ready. The clergyman takes his place. The bride and bridegroom stand before him and the service is read. Afterwards those present congratulate them, and that is all. Of course they may all go to the house of the bride or of a witness, or to a restaurant, and have lunch, or tea, or dinner, together. At such a marriage the bride rarely wears a white wedding dress and veil, but it is entirely proper for her to do so if she chooses—especially if they are going to the home of a friend for a wedding dinner afterwards. If the marriage is performed by a magistrate, however, a wedding dress is entirely out of keeping.

BREACH OF ETIQUETTE FOR BRIDEGROOM TO GIVE WEDDING

No matter whether a wedding is to be large or tiny, there is a supposedly fixed rule that the reception must be either at the house of the bride's parents, or grandparents, or other relative of hers, or else in assembly rooms rented by her family. Etiquette has always decreed that the groom's family may give entertainments of whatever description they choose for the young couple after they are married; but the wedding breakfast as well as the trousseau of the bride must be furnished by her own side of the house!

There might be circumstances, however, when it would be caviling not to break this rule. If, for instance, the bride were without family, she might perfectly well be married in the church or the rectory, and go afterwards to the house of the bridegroom's parents for breakfast, or for a reception. After all, there are few rules that permit no exceptions under extenuating circumstances. (See letters at end of next chapter.) But in the average case—where the girl is known slightly or perhaps not at all by the family of the bridegroom, she would put herself in a false position and bring criticism upon her own family's inability to assume the wedding obligations which properly belong to them.

RECORDING THE WEDDING PRESENTS

And now let us return to the details of the wedding of our particular bride.

The invitations are mailed about three weeks before the wedding—unless it is to be a very small one, in which case the invitations are sent out about two weeks before the day.

If the presents, which begin to arrive as soon as the cards are out, are likely to be many, each one should be entered at once in the gift book. There are many published for the purpose, but any ruled blank book about eight to ten inches square will answer the purpose. The usual model spreads across the double page as follows:

Present Received Article Sent by Sender's Address Where Bought Thanks Written

May 20 Silver Dish Mr. and Mrs. White 1 Elm Place Sterling Co. May 20

May 21 12 Plates Mr. and Mrs. Green 2 North Street Crystal's May 21

All gifts as they arrive should be put in a certain room, or part of a room, and never moved away until the description is recorded.

THE BRIDE'S THANKS

In return for the many presents showered upon a happy bride, there is a corresponding task which may not be evaded.

On a sheet of note paper—not a folded visiting card—and in her own handwriting, she must send a separate letter for each present she receives—and, if humanly possible, she writes each letter of thanks on the day the present arrives. If she does not, they soon get ahead of her and her whole honeymoon is taken up with note-writing.

Notes of thanks can be very short, but they should be written as little delay as possible. When a present is sent by a married couple, the bride writes to the wife and thanks both: "Thank you for the lovely present you and Mr. Jones sent me."

NEVER SEND AN ENGRAVED CARD OF THANKS

It would not be possible to overemphasize the inexcusable rudeness of the bride who sends a printed or engraved card of thanks for wedding presents sent her. Whoever devised this flagrant affront to the traditions of common decency was, obviously, more concerned with making sales to stationers than with acquiring knowledge of the precepts of polite behavior.

A young woman who had many friends but, as it happened, little knowledge of social usage, was led to send out engraved cards announcing

MISS NOBACKGROUND
HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGES
YOUR KIND GIFT
AND SENDS YOU HER APPRECIATIVE THANKS

It is scarcely necessary to add that appreciative thanks are not expressed in this way. In the case of the young woman in question, her presents stopped like a turned-off faucet as soon as the news of her rudeness spread.

Another form which reads, "Miss Sylvia Newrich hereby acknowledges receipt of your gift, for which she will later write you her thanks" is not rude and might be necessary after a sudden war wedding when presents arrive after the bride has left.

In that case, there will probably be a note from the bride's mother saying, "Mary had gone when your lovely present came. She will, of course, write you as soon as she gets back." If Mary is to be gone for months, her mother should write a description from which Mary send her "thanks for the lovely tray" (or whatever) her mother described.

Ordinarily, an acknowledgment followed later by a note of thanks seems a useless waste of double effort; a minute or two more would complete a note of thanks to enclose in each stamped and addressed envelope instead of addressing and stamping every acknowledgment twice. Also it seems pretentious because it implies that so many presents were expected that special preparations were made in advance to take care of the avalanche. Moreover, this engraved notice, which attracts formal attention to the promised letter, exacts that the letter be longer and better than an unheralded note in which a few sentences could say all that is necessary.

ARRANGING THE PRESENTS

Not so much in an effort to parade her possessions as to do justice to the kindness of the many people who have sent them, a bride should show her appreciation of their gifts by placing each one in the position of greatest advantage. Naturally, all people's tastes are not equally pleasing to the taste of the bride—nor are all pocketbooks equally filled. Very valuable presents are better put in close contrast with others of like quality—or others entirely different in character. Colors should be carefully grouped. Two presents, both lovely in themselves, can be made completely destructive of each other if the colors are allowed to clash.

Usually china is put on one table, silver on another, glass on another, laces and linens on another. But pieces that jar together must be placed as far apart as possible and perhaps even moved to other surroundings. A crudely designed piece of silverware should not be left among beautiful examples, but be put among china ornaments, or other articles that do not reveal its lack of fineness by too direct comparison. For the same reason imitation lace should not be put next to real, nor stoneware next to Chinese porcelain. To group duplicates is another misfortunate arrangement. Eighteen pairs of pepper pots or fourteen sauce boats in a row might as well be labeled: "Look at this stupidity! What can she do with all of us?" They are sure to make the givers feel at least a little chagrined at their choice.

WHEN THE PRESENTS ARE SHOWN

There is absolutely no impropriety in showing the presents at the wedding reception. The only reason for not showing them is lack of space in a small house or, of course, an apartment. If there is an extra sitting room—such as a library—they are shown there. Otherwise a bedroom from which all the furniture has been removed is suitable. Tables covered with white damask (plain) tablecloths are put counters around the sides of the room.

It is not good taste to display checks—or even to tell people general of their amounts. It is quite proper, however, to say, "Uncle John gave me a check" —or "a bond."

PRESENTS FROM BRIDEGROOM'S FRIENDS

The bridegroom seldom receives any presents. Even a friend cares about him in particular and has never met the bride sends present to her—unless he sends two presents, one in courtesy to and one in affection to him. Rather often friends of the bridegroom pick out things suitable for him, such as cigar or cigarette box or decanter or rather masculine-looking desk sets, etc., which are sent to her but are obviously intended for his use.

CARDS LEFT ON

The cards that were sent with the gifts are sometimes removed, but there is no impropriety in leaving them on, and it certainly saves members of the family from repeating many times who sent this an who sent that!

If the house is small, so that there is no room available for this play at the wedding, the presents are shown on the day before, and intimate friends are especially asked to come in for tea, and to view them. This is not done if they are to be displayed at the wedding.

Very intimate friends seldom need to be asked; the chances are they will come in often, to see what has come since they were in last!

MARKING SILVER

Wedding presents are all sent to the bride, and are, according to law, her personal property. According to the etiquette of yesterday, when Muriel Brown Jones married John Ross, not a piece of linen or silver in "Ross house" was marked otherwise than "M. B. J." But as this long proved a confusing and senseless custom, it is now recognized as more practical to mark everything with the bride's future initials: "M.J.R."

When she has three initials, the smartest marking is the triangle of block letters—last name at the top:

R
M J

According to present-day taste, all overlong and fancy letters should avoided. A single initial in old English is always excellent.

USE OF CREST

The one occasion when it is in good taste to use a family's crest is in the marking of silver. Correctly, no heraldic device may be used by a woman, except a lozenge; but many families have opted it as reasonable that silver given the bride by her own family (especially when it matches silver which she will inherit) be marked her father's crest. That which is given by the bridegroom's family is marked with his crest. The coat of arms is sometimes engraved on very large and absolutely plain pieces, but the crest alone—and small in size—is in better taste than anything conspicuous or florid.

EXCHANGING WEDDING PRESENTS

Some people think it discourteous if a bride changes the present chosen for her. But it has been a time-honored custom to permit a bride to exchange all duplicate presents, and no friends should allow their feelings to be hurt, unless they have chosen the present with a particular sentiment. A bride never changes the presents chosen for her by her own family or by the bridegroom's family—unless especially told that she may do so. But to keep twenty-two salt cellars and sixteen silver trays when she has no pepper pots or coffee spoons or vegetable dishes would be putting "sentiment" above "sense."

THE TROUSSEAU

A trousseau, according to the derivation of the word, was "a little trusse or bundle" that the bride carried with her to the house of her husband. In modern times the "little bundle" often requires the services of a van to transport.

At present the extravagant trousseaux of yesterday's daughters of the very rich are dwindling to items of actual requirement. Household linen enough to run an enormous house—and for a lifetime—is probably past for always. The following trousseau listed in former editions of this book is so out of present-day proportion as to seem an absurdity to reprint—except as a factual account of what a completely filled linen closet of yesterday contained:

One to three dozen of the finest quality embroidered, or otherwise trimmed, linen (Yard-deep embroidered bed linen, with square French pillow-cases gave way to silk—now passing out; and fashion (after again returning to linen) has now become habituated to percale—rarely trimmed, but often dyed to match the colors of the rooms.) single-bed sheets, with large embroidered monogram.

One to three dozen of the finest quality single-bed linen undersheets with narrow hem and no monogram.

Half these quantities for double beds.

Two pillow-cases and also one small pillow-case—for a small down pillow—to match each double upper sheet.

Three blanket covers of crpe de chine or other washable silk for each bed, white or in colors to match each room, and edged with narrow lace and breadths put together with lace insertion, and monogram in center; or with hemmed or scalloped edge and scams put together with entredeux.

Two pair of blankets (one summer and one winter weight) for each bed.

One light wool and—in cold latitudes—one down-filled quilt for each bed.

Two to five dozen finest-quality linen, large face towels, with deep-fringed or embroidered ends or insertion let-in-hems (Fringes unobtainable and lace trimming rarely if ever chosen today.) and embroidered monogram or initials.

Three to five dozen fine-quality hemstitched linen towels, embroidered monogram or initials, but other-wise plain.

Three to five dozen small hand towels to match the large ones.

One to two dozen bath sheets, white or colored, with contrasting monograms or initials.

Two to three dozen bath towels of hand size to match.

Two to three dozen wash cloths to match.

Six to twelve bath mats to match pattern or colors.

TABLE LINEN

One or two tablecloths six yards long by two and a half yards wide, or four yards square, of finest but untrimmed white linen damask, with embroidered monogram on each side of center, for dinners of eighteen or twenty. (When counting size, allow 18 inches for each, plate, and in addition half a yard margin to fall over on each of the four sides.)

Two dozen dinner napkins, 30 by 36 inches, to match.

Two or four linen damask tablecloths, either white or pastel colored, three and a half to four yards long, f or dinners of ten or twelve.

Eight to twelve linen damask tablecloths, white or colored, two and a half or three yards long.

One dozen napkins, 27 by 30 inches, to match each tablecloth.

One or two dozen fine white damask tablecloths, one and a half yards square, for big dinners at little tables.

Four to eight dozen napkins, 24 by 24 inches to match.

All tablecloths and napkins must have embroidered monogram or initials.

Two to six runners or centerpieces, with place mats and lunch napkins to match. Or, if a modern bare table is preferred, only place mats and napkins.

Four to six tea cloths of filet lace or drawn work or Russian embroidery, with small napkins to match.

Four to six dozen tiny cocktail napkins.

Table pieces and tea cloths have monograms if there is any plain linen where a monogram can be embroidered. Otherwise monograms or initials are put on the napkins only.

Six to twelve linen and needlework breakfast tray covers, with two small napkins to match each.

In addition to the above there are two to three dozen (For only one maid, cut list to 8 sheets and pillow-cases, 1 pair blankets, 1 light weight quilt, 1 heavy, etc.) servants! sheets and pillow-cases, fine quality cotton; four to eight pair of woolen blankets; four to eight wool-filled quilts; four to six dozen towels; one or two dozen bath towels; six to eight damask or other tablecloths, and six to twelve dozen napkins, all marked with machine embroidery. Two to three dozen kitchen cloths and towels, two to four dozen pantry dish-towels, and one to two dozen roller towels complete the list.

MARKING LINEN

It is, of course, essential to perfection that all linen be embroidered with monogram or initials. On napkins a single initial is enough, but on larger articles an initial designed with a few additional lines to give the effect of a monogram is more effective and the expense is less than two initials.

Large tablecloths are marked on either side of center, midway between table center and edge of table. Small yard-and-a-half-square tablecloths—invaluable for those most popular of dinners, big ones at little tables—are marked at one corner about a foot from table center, put parallel with table edge or cross-cornered. Square monograms look well set in line with the table edge; irregular ones look best cross-cornered. The placing of marking is important; therefore it is best to set the table, or at least make a diagram on cross-bar paper, and then decide.

Very large damask napkins are marked in center; others are marked in one corner—cross-cornered usually, but sometimes straight. To decide about the place for marking the napkins, always fold the napkin exactly as it is to be folded for use, and then make a light pencil outline in the center of the folded napkin.

Sheets are always marked with base of letters toward hem—when on the bed, the monogram is right-side up to a person standing, foot of bed—and it is put at half the depth at which the sheet is turned back. Long American pillow-cases are marked halfway between edge of case and beginning of the pillow. On square French pillow-cases (French shape rarely seen today.) the monogram is put cross-cornered with top to corner.

Although there is no fixed rule for marking towels other than where you think the device looks best, a safe one to follow is to divide the length of each towel into eighths and center the marking on, or put it directly under, the line that is one eighth from the front lower edge. Then whichever proportion you choose for one set of towels must be followed in the marking of any other variety to be used in the same bathroom.

EACH BRIDE'S ESSENTIAL LINEN LIST

From the overextravagant list given in its completeness above, the bride or new householder should run down the items and choose for herself the articles which are necessary to her own habits of life, and cross off the superfluous.

But certain suggestions can, of course, be given. To one, for example who is going to have one maid or very likely none, it should be repeated that damask is not very practical for everyday because an accidental spot necessitates a fresh cloth. Moreover, not only do spots necessitate a fresh cloth, but folding and refolding it necessarily mar its freshness.

If there were no danger of spilling a drop of anything, ever, then three or four cloths would be enough. On the other hand, lace mats never muss, and should something be spilled on one piece, it can be washed and pressed out in a moment. In fact, one set of lace place mats can be used indefinitely—and always look the same. But lace won't do for breakfast! Damask, which is the most formal table covering known, is also the most ideal cover for the table at breakfast. Failing damask, use any other variety of linen cover or mats.

If you use a damask cloth on your dinner table, larger napkins will be necessary than for mats or a runner—again a matter that must be considered because of laundering. How many napkins must be included in your supply must be measured by the way you will live. If you are to have one fresh napkin for each person every meal, including afternoon tea, this for a family of two alone would mean forty-nine napkins a week; whereas if you have one napkin for each person a week, the minimum would be three.

Your household linen has less variation; five sheets to each bed, and four pillow-cases for each pillow would be the minimum if top sheet is changed twice a week and laundry is delivered promptly.

One dozen face towels and three bath towels and four wash cloths and two bath mats would be the minimum for each person (the same for the maid).

For the kitchen you should have at least six glass towels, six kitchen towels, and four roller towels—for a family of two and one maid.

To this list add as much more as you need or your means allow.

Remember, too, that big dinners served at little tables are fashionable, because practical. For these you will need one tablecloth and four napkins each for however many small tables you can include.

THE WEDDING DRESS

It is always proper for a bride to wear a white dress and veil, no matter in what season of the year the wedding is held. It may be of any white material—satin, brocade, velvet, chiffon, or entirely of lace. It may be embroidered with pearls, crystals or silver; or it may be as plain as a slip-cover. It may be anything, in fact, that the bride fancies, and may be made in whatever fashion or period she chooses.

As for her veil—in its combination of lace or tulle and orange blossoms—perhaps it is copied from a headdress of Egypt or China, or from the severe drapery of Rebecca herself, or it may proclaim the knowing touch of the Rue de la Paix. It may have a cap, like that of a lady in a French print, or fall in clouds of tulle from under a diadem made of anything that the art of millinery can contrive.

The origin of the bridal veil is an unsettled question. Roman brides wore "yellow veils," and veils were used in the ancient Hebrew marriage ceremony. The veil as we use it may be a substitute for the flowing tresses, which in old times fell like a mantle modestly concealing the bride's face and form. Or it may be an amplification of the veil which medieval fashion added to every headdress.

In olden days the garland rather than the veil seems to have been greatest importance. The garland was the "coronet of chastity," and the bride's right to wear it was her inalienable attribute of virtue. Very old books speak of three ornaments that every virtuous bride must wear: "a ring on her finger, a brooch on her breast, and a garland on her head." A bride who had no dowry of gold was said nevertheless to bring her husband great treasure if she brought him a garland—in other words, a virtuous wife.

At present the veil is usually mounted by a milliner on a new foundation, so that it need merely be put on. But every girl has individual idea of what she wishes her wedding veil to be and choose rather to put it together herself, or have it done by some particular friend whose taste and skill she especially admires.

If she chooses to wear a veil over her face up the aisle and during the ceremony, the front veil is always a short, separate piece about a yard square, gathered on an invisible band, and pinned with a hairpin at either side, after the long veil is arranged. It is taken off by the maid of honor when she gives the bride's bouquet back to the bride at the conclusion of the ceremony.

The face veil is rather old-fashioned, and is appropriate only for very young bride of a demure type. The tradition is that a maiden is too shy to face a congregation unveiled, and reveals her face only when she is a married woman.

The length of the train of the bride's dress depends somewhat upon the size of the church. In a large church the train should be very long, in a little chapel, short. A moderately short train extends one yard on the ground. A bride's dress should always be on the conservative side of fashion.

If short loose gloves happen to be in fashion, she merely pulls the glove off at the altar, but if she wears elbow-length or longer evening, gloves, usually the under seam of the wedding finger of the glove is ripped for about two inches and the bride need only pull the tip off to have the ring put on. Or, if the wedding is a small one, she wears no gloves at all.

Brides have been known to choose a color other than white. Cloth of silver is quite conventional and so is very deep cream. Also permissible is powder pink—this a color so pale as to give the impression of white. But cloth of gold or any other definite color suggests the habiliment of a widow rather than that of a virgin maid—of whom the white and orange blossoms, or myrtle leaf, are the emblems.

If a bride chooses to be married in traveling dress, she has no bridesmaids, though she often has a maid (or matron) of honor. A "traveling" dress is either a "tailor-made," if she is going directly to a boat or train, or a morning or an afternoon dress—whatever she would "wear away" after a big wedding.

WHAT OTHER CLOTHES FOR THE BRIDE'S TROUSSEAU?

It is impossible for anyone but the bride herself to answer the question of what clothes she will need and of what variety. It all depends—is she to be in a big city for the winter season, or at a watering place for the summer? Is she going to travel, or live quietly? It is foolish to get more "outside" clothes than she has immediate use for; fashions change too radically.

On the subject of the under things, one can dip into any of the women's magazines devoted to fashion and understand at first sight that the furnishings which may be put upon the person of one young female would require a catalogue as long and varied as a seedsman's. An extravagant trousseau contains every article illustrated—and more besides—and by the dozens! But it must not for a moment be supposed that every bride has a trousseau which requires an outlay possible only to parents who are very rich and also very indulgent.

DISPLAYING THE TROUSSEAU

Household linen, especially if very beautiful, is often displayed with the wedding presents, but in cities such as New York, Washington or Boston, it has never been considered good taste to make a formal show of the bride's personal trousseau. She may, of course, show friends some of her things, but her trousseau is never spread on exhibition. Objection to her doing so may, however, beloved if it is the custom of the place in which she lives.

WHAT THE BRIDESMAIDS WEAR

The costumes of the bridesmaids—slippers, stockings, dresses, bouquets, gloves and hats—are selected by the bride, without considering even consulting them as to their taste or preferences. This rule important to note. On occasion a bride will try to consult them and for them to agree, but long experience has proved that six girls almost certainly quarrel over six opposed ideas. Bridesmaids, therefore, customary wear—and pay for—what the bride chooses. That is the rule. The only consolation is that, if they are ugly, she gets full blame. If are lovely, she gets the credit. The bridesmaids are always dressed alike as to texture of materials and model of making, but sometimes their dresses differ in color. The two who follow the ushers wear pale green, the next two peach, and the next two violet,

The dress of the maid or matron of honor, by the way, never matches that of the bridesmaids, though it is usually similar reversed in color. For example: If the bridesmaids wear peach dresses with blue sashes and peach hats trimmed in blue and have bouquets of larkspur, the maid of honor wears the same dress in blue, with peach sash, has a blue hat trimmed with peach, and carries talisman roses.

Sometimes the bridesmaids wear the same color, but in graduated value. The first two would wear American beauty rose, the next two a lighter tint, and the next two a still lighter color, while the maid of honor would be in palest flesh pink. Although a bride seldom cares to run the risk of having the white of her attendants detract from the effect of the single whiteness of her dress, an all-white wedding could be entrancing, especially in a garden with a background of dense green, like the high-hedged Italian ones.

The other important item is the selection of a material for the bridesmaids' dresses that will complement the material of the dress of the bride. Perhaps the bride's dress might be light be of fine white lace (the starched variety) and the bridesmaids' of taffeta; or if in the South, she might wear taffeta and put them in organdy—or organza with broad taffeta sashes. Or they might all wear the same soft lustrous satin and let the bride's veil and train alone make the difference.

FLOWER GIRL AND PAGES

Flower girls and pages are dressed in quaint old-fashioned dresses and suits of white silk or satin of whatever period the bride fancies as being especially picturesque. Or perhaps they are dressed in their ordinary white clothes, with wreaths and bouquets for the girls and white boutonnires for the boys.

BRIDESMAID IN MOURNING

A bridesmaid who is in mourning, may wear colors on this one day, as bridesmaids' dresses are looked upon as uniforms, not individual costumes.

WHAT THE BRIDESMAIDS CARRY

The bridesmaids almost always carry flowers—bouquets sometimes, or baskets, but usually sheaves which they hold on their outside arms. Those walking on the right side hold them on the right arm with the stems pointing downward to the left; and those on the left hold their flowers on the left arm, with stems toward the right. Bouquets or baskets are, however, held in front.

Sometimes bridesmaids carry muffs in winter, or in summer fans or parasols, more often flower-filled baskets or hats made into baskets by tying their wide brims together with ribbons. Flowers matching those in the basket might be worn in the hair (in which case the bridesmaids need not buy either hats or hair ornaments).

As a warning against the too blatant use of cosmetics, it may not be out of place to quote one commentary made by a man of great distinction who, having seen nothing of the society of very young people for many years, "had to go" to the wedding of a niece. It was one of the biggest weddings of the spring season in New York. The flowers were wonderful; the bridesmaids were many and beautiful. Afterwards the family talked long about the wedding, but the distinguished uncle said nothing. Finally, he was asked point blank, 'Don't you think the wedding was too lovely? Weren't the bridesmaids beautiful?" ..No," said the uncle, "I did not think it was lovely at all. Every one the bridesmaids was so powdered and painted and mascaraed that there was not a sweet or fresh face among them. I can see a procession Iike them any evening on the musical comedy stage! One expects unrestrained make-up in a theater, but in the house of God it is shocking! "

THE COST OF BEING BRIDESMAID

With the exception of the flowers they carry, which are presented, the bride, every article worn by the bridesmaids, flower girls or pages, although chosen by the bride, must be paid for by the wearers.

It is perhaps an irrefutable condemnation of the modern wedding that many a young girl has had to refuse the joy of being in the wedding party because a complete bridesmaid's outfit costs a sum that parents of moderate means are quite unable to meet for popular daughters. And it is seldom that the bride herself is in a position to give six or eight complete costumes, much as she may want all her particular friends with her on her day of days.

Unless her bridesmaids have unusually deep purses, the bride who has a conscience tries to choose clothes that will not be too expensive. Yesterday the tender-hearted bride who, for the sake of their purses, sent her bridesmaids to an average "little woman" to have their clothes made, and to a little hat-place around the corner, was likely to have a rather dowdy little flock fluttering down the aisle in front of her. Today, however, the department stores as well as the specialty shops are prepared to submit enchanting ready-to-wear models that can ordered in different colors, or even materials, and at almost whatever the budget decided upon may be.

HOW MANY BRIDESMAIDS OR OTHER ATTENDANTS?

This question is answered by: How many friends has she whom "always promised" to have with her on that day? Has she a circle of intimates or only one or two? Her sister is always maid of honor. If she has no sister of suitable age, she chooses her most friend.

In Addition to a maid or matron of honor, a bride may have a veritable procession: eight or ten bridesmaids, junior bridesmaids, flower girls and pages and a ring bearer.

At an average New York wedding there are four or six bridesmaids. Half the "maids" may be "matrons." Although it is not very suitable to have young married women as bridesmaids and then have an unmarried girl as maid of honor, this rule is usually broken in the case of a bride's unmarried sister.

Although a bride need have no attendants, it is best that she have at least one. The picture of her father holding her bouquet and stooping to adjust her train would be difficult to witness with gravity.

CHILDREN IN THE WEDDING PROCESSION

The clothes of children who serve as bridal attendants should more or less match those of the bride. Although it is not necessary that flower girls wear long dresses unless the bride wears a period dress, they may, however, wear anything, that the imagination of the bride or the mother of the children (with the bride's consent) can design.

At many weddings the children are all dressed in white—especially the ring bearer. Ring bearers, as it happens, are unknown in the smart world of New York, but they are very popular in many other American localities. And if the bride would like to have her little brother or nephew perform this office, he is, of course, dressed in white, carries the ring on a white cushion and walks ahead of her.

The ring is either lightly sewed to the cushion or fastened by having an ordinary pearl-headed flower pin thrust into the center of the cushion and the ring encircling this. The best man should be shown beforehand whether he is to pull or lift it off.

TRAIN BEARERS

Train bearers, as the name implies, hold the bride's train. They, too, must be very little boys and dressed in white. The train trailing smoothly by itself is really more assuring than a train in the hands of very little children whose manner of bearing it is uncertain, to say the least. One baby train bearer halfway down an immensely long aisle decided that he had held up the train long enough, so, dropping it, he sat down on it instead and let the bride drag him the rest of the way. He was adorable but a very serious handicap to the bride's ability to walk.

Both boys and girls wear slippers with a strap and white socks. If they are dressed in white, their slippers are of course white; but if they wear color, their slippers are colored, either to match their clothes or of a contrasting color—more often the latter. As everyone knows, children's strap slippers come in several colors; otherwise white ones are easily dyed. Kid is in better taste than satin.

At important weddings little girls often wear picture bonnets. At simpler weddings they wear narrow wreaths on their heads. These should be carefully measured for size and must be neat in outline. Small artificial flowers are far better for this purpose than real flowers, which are likely to be ragged as well as too heavy.

BEST MAN AND USHERS

No matter how small the wedding, the bridegroom always has a best man. It is not an unbreakable rule, but it hints of a family quarrel if the brother of the bridegroom is not best man, or the sister of the bride is not maid of honor, unless, of course, brother or sister is many years senior or junior. When the bridegroom has no brother, his next selection is his most intimate friend; or, if deciding upon this best one is difficult, he perhaps chooses the brother of the bride.

"Groomsmen" is supposedly an obsolete term; it is still used in some parts of the country, but the word generally used today is "ushers." The number of ushers is in proportion to the size of the church and the number of guests invited. At a house wedding, ushers are often merely "honorary," and the bridegroom may have many or none, as he chooses.

As ushers and bridesmaids are chosen from only most intimate friends of the bride and groom, it is scarcely necessary to suggest how to word the asking! Usually they are told at the time of announcing the engagement that they are expected to serve; or they are told whenever one happens to meet them. If school or college friends who live at a distance are among the number, letters are necessary. Such as:
"Mary and I are to be married on the tenth of November, and, of course, you are to be an usher." Usually he adds, "My dinner is to be on the seventh at eight o'clock at—," naming the club or restaurant.

It is unheard of that a man refuse the honor unless a bridegroom, for snobbish reasons, asks someone who is not really a friend at all.

It is entirely correct for a married man to act as usher, or for a married woman to be matron of honor, when neither the wife of the first nor the husband of the second is asked to take part. In fact—though there is no rule against it—it is most rarely, if ever, that a man and wife both serve at the same wedding. The one not off course invited to the wedding, but not necessarily invited to sit at the bridal table.

BRIDE'S USHER AND GROOM'S BRIDESMAID

Unless attendants are limited to her sister and his brother, a brother of the bride, or if she has no brother, then her "favorite cousin" is always asked by the groom to be usher out of compliment to her. The bride returns the compliment by asking the sister of the groom nearest her own age to be bridesmaid, or if he has no sister, she asks a cousin. If she is to have a number of bridesmaids—especially if the groom has no sister—she very often shows her courtesy by asking the groom to name a particular friend of his. The bride in asking the groom's bridesmaid does not say, "Will you be one of my bridesmaids because Jim wants me to ask you?" If the bridesmaid is not a particular friend of the bride, she knows perfectly that it is on Jim's account that she has been asked. It is the same with the bride's usher. If the groom is choosing six or eight or ten ushers, he often includes one who is the especial friend of the bride, and asks him exactly as he asks the others.

When the homes of the bride and bridegroom are a great distance apart, so that none but the bridegroom's immediate family can manage the journey to the wedding, it is not unusual—if he has no brother—that he choose his father or even stepfather as his best man. The ushers are chosen from among the friends of the bride. (It is not unusual that his father serve as best man—at any time.)

BRIDEGROOM'S TROUSSEAU FOR THE HONEYMOON

The clothes the bridegroom will need for his wedding trip depend, naturally upon where they are going. He will need two sack suits—not necessarily new, but good as new—and two pair of shoes to wear alternately. He should choose suits which look well with the same overcoat—which let us hope is either blue or dark gray if it is also to be worn with evening clothes.

If they are going on a real journey by train or boat and stopping perhaps at a coast or country resort, then he should take clothes for whatever sport they are likely to follow.

So much for the groom as he appears in public. And now to answer the question, "How important are the groom's clothes to the bride?" The disappointing but truthful answer is that outside of England no one woman in a hundred knows the first thing about men's clothes—or even notices them. It is true that Mary will notice when John, in her opinion, looks particularly well—or not so well—compared with other men. But the chance is very small that she even notices his new suit or hat or shoes, unless they are so strikingly new that they literally shout at her.

But there is one thing that she will notice and that is the attractive neatness or the sloppiness of his personal belongings.

To John, whose budget is probably limited, it is suggested that instead of getting another new suit, which looks exactly like one he has now, that he pay attention to the neatness of his possessions so that when they are laid out on the top of the bureau or the wash-stand shelf, there are no brushes with the bristles looking as though chewed off or matted down, nor any dingy shaving things, nor half-empty toothpaste tubes, twisted and crinkly and smeared.

New slippers and a dressing gown of simplest variety, that is, fresh and washable, is to be preferred to one of silk brocade that is bedraggled. Let his underwear be new, and his pajamas attractive in color and becoming in neckline.

THE WEDDING CLOTHES OF THE BRIDEGROOM

If the wedding is to be a formal one in an ultra-fashionable community and he does not already possess a well-fitting morning coat, often called a cutaway, he must order one. He must also have dark gray-striped trousers. At extremely smart weddings, especially in the spring, a groom and his best man wear white piqué high double-breasted waistcoats, because the more white that can be got into an otherwise sombre costume the more wedding-like it looks. Because the white waistcoat is a needless extravagance, the bridegroom usually wears a black one to match his coat, as do the ushers. As to his tie, he may choose a four-in-hand to match those selected for the ushers, of black silk with a narrow single or broken white stripe at narrow or wide intervals. At many smart weddings the groom and all the men of the wedding party wear bow ties of black silk with small white dots. Ascot ties are somewhat Victorian but proper if preferred and are often worn by the father of the bride.

White buckskin gloves are the smartest; but if the bridegroom prefers gray sude, they should at least be as light a gray as possible. White kid is worn only in the evening. At small country weddings gloves are not worn at all. Spats, if chosen, must fit flat and match the gloves exactly; but they are fast disappearing!

Especially well-dressed bridegrooms have the soles of their shoes blackened with waterproof shoe polish so that when they kneel, their shoes look dark and neat. (One must be sure that the polish is of the kind that will not come off on carpets or rugs.)

WHAT THE BEST MAN WEARS

The best man wears precisely what the bridegroom wears. The groom and best man often wear ties that are different from those worn by the ushers, and occasionally white waistcoats. Otherwise the two principal men are dressed like the ushers.

WHAT THE USHERS WEAR AT A FORMAL WEDDING

It is of greatest importance that in dress each usher be an exact counterpart of his fellows, if the picture is to be perfect. Everyone knows what a ragged-edged appearance is produced by a company of recruits whose uniforms are odd lots.

The smartness of the wedding procession depends solely upon military uniformity. This is so important that fastidious men (especially those who have been in military service) send typewritten instructions to their ushers, covering every detail of the equipment required. Few people may reason why, but it is always just such attention to detail that produces a perfectly finished result. The directions sent by a certain New York bridegroom were as follows:

Wedding rehearsal on Tuesday at St. Bartholomew's Church at 5 P. M.
Wedding on Wednesday at 4 P. M.
Please wear:
Black calfskin low shoes.
Plain black silk socks.
Gray striped trousers—the darkest you have.
Morning coat and single-breasted black waistcoat.
White dress shirt. See that cuffs show three-quarters of an inch below coat sleeves.
Stand-up wing collar.
Tie and gloves are enclosed.*
Boutonnire will be at the church.
Be at the church yourself at three o'clock, sharp.

(*Groom had already found out size of gloves and also size of collars, since bow ties had been selected.)

The above list is for the most correct and formal wedding.

CLOTHES OF USHERS AT A SIMPLE WEDDING

If, however, the wedding is to be a very small and informal one—in the country, or in a community where the bridegroom and his friends do not possess cutaway coats—it would be permissible to wear dark blue sack suits, stiff white shirts, wing collars, blue and white ties, white boutonnires and no gloves. White waistcoats always add a wedding-like effect, but are not likely to be useful afterwards.

The principal requirement is that all the men of the wedding party shall be alike.

FLANNELS PERMISSIBLE AT MIDSUMMER WEDDING

For a small midsummer wedding in the country, white flannel trousers, blue or gray double-breasted coats (without waistcoats), turned-down collars, bow ties, white buckskin shoes and white flowers in buttonholes are quite perfect. Other clothes might be all right, if all the men had them. Ex-petty officers could wear their ducks, for example, with the insignia taken off.

THE HEAD USHER

In certain localities courtesy designates the usher who is selected to take the bride's mother up the aisle as the "head" or "first" usher.

Very occasionally, too, a nervous groom appoints an especially reliable friend head usher so as to be sure that all details will be carried out—including the prompt and proper appearance at the church of the other ushers. The ushers divide the arrangements among themselves. The groom decides who goes on which aisle. One volunteers or is asked to look out for the bride's coming and to notify the groom. Another is detailed to take the two mothers up the aisle. But very often this arrangement is arbitrarily decided by height. If one mother is very tall and the other very short, each goes up with a different usher.

THE BRIDESMAIDS' LUNCHEON

In many sections of America, especially in the country and in small towns, brides ask their bridesmaids to a farewell luncheon, just as in other communities the bride is given a shower.

There is no especial difference between a bridesmaids' luncheon and any other lunch party, except that the table is elaborately decorated—usually in pink with bridesmaids' roses. There is a bride's cake—lady cake with pink icing—and there are favors in the cake, and candies wrapped in pink papers on which are written sentimental verses or "fortunes," and altogether it is a "lovely party."

In any event, the typical scene during the days before a wedding is one of packages arriving and bridesmaids and other intimate friends running in and out of the house at all hours of the day, looking at new presents as they come, perhaps helping the bride to write the descriptions in the gift book or to arrange them in the room where they are to be displayed.

The bride usually goes to oversee the last fittings of the bridesmaids' dresses in order to be sure that they are as she wants them. This final trying-on should be arranged for several days at least before the wedding, so there may be sufficient time to make any alterations that are found necessary. Often the bride tries on her wedding dress at the same time, so that she may see the effect of the whole wedding picture it will be; or if she prefers, she tries on her dress at another hour alone.

GIFTS FOR THE BRIDE'S ATTENDANTS

Usually her bridesmaids lunch with her, without any "party preparations," or come in for tea, the day before the wedding, and on that the bride gives each of them "her present," which is always something to wear. The typical bridesmaid's present is a bracelet, a bangle, a pin, a clip or other trinket, which, according to the means of the bride, may have great or scarcely any intrinsic value. The gift to her maid (or matron) of honor may well match those given the bridesmaids or be quite different.

BRIDESMAIDS' AND USHERS' DINNER

If a wedding is held in the country, or if most of the bridesmaids or ushers come from a distance and are therefore staying at the bride's house or with her neighbors, there is naturally a dinner, in order to provide for the visitors. But where the wedding is in the city—especially when all the members of the bridal party live there also—the custom of giving a bridesmaids' and ushers' dinner has gone out of fashion. If the bridal party is asked to dine at the house of the bride on the evening before the wedding, it is usually for the purpose of seeing that they go to the church for rehearsal, which is of all things the most important. More often the rehearsal is in the afternoon, after which they all go to the bride's house for tea, allowing her parents to have her to themselves on her last evening home, and giving her a chance to go early to bed so as to look her prettiest on the morrow.

THE BACHELOR DINNER

Popularly supposed to be a frightful orgy, the bachelor dinner was in truth, more often than not, a sheep in wolf's clothing. As a matter of fact, an "orgy" was never looked upon with favor by any but silly, and misguided youths, whose idea of a howling good time was to make a howling noise, chiefly by singing at the top of their voices and breaking glasses. A boisterous picture, but scarcely a vicious one! Especially as a lot of the cheapest glassware was always there for the purpose.

The breaking habit originated with drinking the bride's health and breaking the stem of the wine glass, so that it "might never serve a less honorable purpose." And this same time-honored custom is followed to this day. Toward the end of the dinner the bridegroom rises, and holding a filled champagne glass aloft says, "To the bride! " Every man rises, drinks the toast standing, and then breaks the delicate stem of the glass. The impulse to break more glass is natural to youth, and probably still occurs. It is not hard to understand. The same impulse is seen at every county fair where enthusiastic youths delight in shooting, or throwing balls, at clay pipes and ducks and—crockery!

Aside from toasting the bride and its glass-smashing result, the bridegroom's farewell dinner is exactly like any other "man's dinner."

GIFTS PRESENTED TO USHERS

The bridegroom's gifts to his ushers are usually put at their places at the bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift. Silver or gold pencils, belt buckles, key rings, cigarette cases, bill-folders, or other small and personal articles are suitable. The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly handsomer than the gift to the ushers.

VITAL IMPORTANCE OF REHEARSAL

The bride always directs her wedding rehearsal, but never herself takes part in it, as it is supposed to be bad luck. Someone else—anyone who happens to be present—is appointed as understudy.

Most of us are familiar with the wedding service, and its form seems simple enough. But, unless one has by experience learned to take care of details, the effect is hitchy and disjointed. It is not that awkward happenings are serious offenses; but any detail that destroys the smoothness of the general impression is fatal to dignity, which is the qualification necessary above all in every ceremonial observance.

HOW THE PROCESSION IS DRILLED

At an elaborate Protestant wedding with choral service, the choir enters in advance of the hour set for the ceremony, and does not form part of the wedding procession. But at an important Catholic wedding—in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York, for instance—the choristers wearing lace-trimmed surplices over cassocks lead the wedding procession, singing as they go. The ushers immediately follow them.

In any event, whether the wedding be Catholic or Protestant, the most elaborate possible or small and simple, the organist must always be at the rehearsal, as one of the most important details is marking the time of the wedding march. Witnesses of most weddings can scarcely imagine that a wedding march is a march at all; more often than not, the heads of ushers and bridesmaids bob up and down like something boiling in a pan. A perfectly drilled wedding procession, like a military one, should move forward in perfect step, rising and falling in a block or unit. To secure perfection of detail, the bars of the processional may be counted so that the music comes to an end at precisely the moment the bride and groom stand side by side at the chancel steps. This is not difficult; it merely takes time and attention.

A wedding rehearsal should proceed as follows:

First of all, it is necessary to determine the exact speed at which the march is to be played. The ushers are asked to try it out. They at the door, walk forward two and two. The audience, consisting of the bride and a few or many members of the families, decides whether the pace looks well. It must not be fast enough to seem brisk, nor slow enough to be funereal. At one wedding the ushers counted two beats as one and the pace was so slow that they all waddled in trying to keep their balance. On the other hand it is unsuitable to trot up the aisle of a church.

The "audience" having decided the speed, and the organist having noted the tempo, the entire procession, including the bridesmaids and a substitute, instead of the real bride, on her fatherÕs arm, go out into the vestibule and make their entry. Remember, the father is an important factor in the ceremony, and must take part in the rehearsal.

The procession is arranged according to height, the two shortest ushers leading—unless others of nearly the same height are found to be more accurate pacemakers. The bridesmaids come directly after the ushers, two and two, also according to height, the shortest in the lead. After the bridesmaids, the maid (or matron) of honor walks alone; flower girls come next (if there are any); and last of all, the understudy bride learning on the arm of the father, wish pages (if she has any) holding up her train. Each pair in the procession follows the two directly in front by four paces or beats of time. In the vestibule, everyone in the procession must pay attention to the feed directly in front; the pacemakers can follow the army sergeantÕs example and say very softly, "Left, left!" At the end the bride counts eight beats before she and the father put "left foot" forward. The whole trick is starting; after that they just walk naturally to the beat of the music, but keeping the ones in front as nearly as possible at the same distance.

At the foot of the chancel, the ushers divide. In a small church, the first two go up the chancel steps and stand at the top, one on the right, the other on the left. The second two go a step or two below the first. If there are more, they stand below again. Chalk marks can be made on the chancel floor if necessary, but it ought not to be difficult, except for very young children who are flower girls or pages, to learn their position.

Or in a big church they go up farther, some of them lining the steps, or all of them in front of the choir stalls. The bridesmaids also divide, half on either side, and always stand in front of the ushers. The maid of honorÕs place is on the left at the foot of the steps, exactly opposite the best man. Flower girls and pages are put above or below the bridesmaids, wherever it is thought "the picture" is best.

The grouping of the ushers and bridesmaids in the chancel or lining the steps also depends upon their number and the size of the church. In any event, the bridesmaids stand in front of the ushers, half of them on the right and half on the left. They never stand all on the brideÕs side, and the ushers on the groomÕs.

CHURCH WITH TWO MAIN AISLES

When the church has two main aisles instead of the more usual center one, it is a matter of choice whether to use one and treat the other as a side aisle, or to use the right one for the processional and the left one for the recessional.

One aisle is usually chosen if the wedding is very small. But if the wedding is a large one, both aisles are made equally prominent, as indicated in the diagram above. If only one aisle is chosen, the bridesmaids and ushers are grouped on this side of the chancel; if both are used, the wedding group is the same for a single-aisled church.

ENTRANCE OF THE BRIDEGROOM

The clergyman who is to perform the marriage comes into the chancel from the vestry. At a few paces behind him follows the groom, who in turn is followed by the best man. The groom stops at the foot of the chancel steps and takes his place at the right, as indicated in the preceding diagram. His best man stands directly behind him. The ushers and bridesmaids always pass in front of him and take their places as noted above. When the bride approaches, the groom takes only a step to meet her.

A more effective greeting of the bride is possible—but only if the door of the vestry opens into the chancel, so that on following the clergyman, the groom finds himself at the top instead of the foot of the chancel steps. He goes forward to the right-hand side (his left), his best man behind him, and waits where he is until the bride approaches. He then goes down the steps to meet her—which is perhaps more gallant than to stand at the head of the aisle and wait for her to join him.

At the rehearsal the real bride watches carefully how the substitute bride takes her left hand from the real father's arm, shifts her fan, or whatever represents her bouquet, from her right hand to her left, and gives her right hand to the real bridegroom. In the proper performance the groom takes her right hand in his own right hand and draws it through his left arm, at the same time turning toward the chancel. IF the service is undivided, and all of it is to be at the altar, this is as the bride always goes up to the altar leaning on the arm of the groom. If, however, the betrothal is to be read at the foot of the chancel, which is done at most weddings now, he may merely take her hand in his left one and stand as they are.

THE ORGANIST'S CUE

The organist stops at the moment the bride and groom have assumed their places. That is the cue to the organist as to the number of bars for the processional. After the procession has practiced "marching" two or three times, everything ought to be perfect. The organist, having counted the necessary bars of music, can readily give the leading ushers their "music cue"—so that they can start on the measure that will allow the procession and the organ to end together. The organist can, and usually does, stop short, but there is a better finish if the bride's giving her hand to the groom and taking the last step that brings her in front of the chancel is timed so as to fall precisely on the last bars of the processional.

The bride may select whatever music she prefers, but the wedding march from the opera "Lohengrin" has come to be almost as much a part of the impression of the wedding procession as the bride and her bridesmaids. The recessional, on the other hand, is usually that of Mendelssohn.

No words of the service are ever rehearsed, although all the places to be taken by the several participants in the marriage ceremony are rehearsed.

The substitute for the bride takes the bridegroom's left arm and goes slowly up the steps to the altar. The best man follows behind and to the right of the groom, and the maid of honor, or "first" bridesmaid. leaves her companions and moves forward at the left of the bride. The substitute for the bride, in pantomime, gives her bouquet to the maid of honor; the best man, also in pantomime, hands the ring to the groom, this merely to see that they are at a convenient distance for the services they are to perform. The recessional is played, and the procession goes out in reversed order—bride and groom first, then bridesmaids, then ushers, again all taking, pains to fall into step with the leaders.

The bridesmaids must not walk either up or down the aisle with the ushers! Once in a while the maid of honor takes the arm of the best man and together they follow the bride and groom out of the church. But it gives the impression of a double wedding and spoils the picture.

THE DOUBLE WEDDING

At a double wedding, the two bridegrooms follow the clergyman and stand side by side, each with his best man behind him; the groom of the older sister nearer the aisle. The ushers—one half, friends of the first, and the others, friends of the second bridegroom—go up the aisle together. Then come the bridesmaids of the older sister followed by her maid of honor, who walks alone. The older sister follows, leaning on her father's arm. Then come the bridesmaids of the younger sister, her maid of honor, and last, the younger bride on the arm of a brother, uncle, or nearest male relative.

The first couple ascend the chancel steps and take their places at the left side of the altar rail, leaving room at the right side for the younger bride and her bridegroom. The father stands just below his older daughter. The brother takes his place in the first pew.

The ceremony is a double one, read to both couples, with the particular responses made twice. The father gives both bride's away—first, his older daughter, and then his younger. Then he takes the place which must be saved for him beside his wife in the first pew.

At the end of the ceremony, the older sister and her husband turn and go down the aisle first. The younger couple follows. The bridesmaids of the older are followed by those of the younger; the ushers follow last.

WHEN BRIDES "ATTEND" EACH OTHER

It is not usual, but it is quite possible, for each bride at a double wedding to serve as maid of honor for her sister. Each in turn holds the other's bouquet during her betrothal ceremony.

But the wise bridegroom, if he dispenses with a best man and uses the services of his brother groom, keeps his own bride's ring in his own waistcoat pocket.

SEATING PARENTS AT A DOUBLE WEDDING

One difficulty of a double wedding is the seating of the parents of the two bridegrooms, who must either share the first pew or draw lots for the occupation of first or second—which questions they must decide for themselves.

Occasionally the brides are cousins, in which case the front pew on the bride's side must be shared by both mothers—the older sister—or sister-in-law—being given the aisle seat.

BUYING THE WEDDING RING—OR RINGS

It is quite customary for the bride to go with the groom when he buys the wedding ring, the reason being that as it stays for life on her finger, she should be allowed to choose the width and style she likes. No ring could ever be in better taste than the band of gold, either yellow or white. A diamond band, no matter how fashionable, is much more suitable as a guard than as a wedding ring, especially for the bride who because of sentiment intends never to take her wedding ring off. This is because the under side of a diamond band must be cleaned constantly and moreover a lost diamond replaced every so often. If the bridegroom wishes to have a ring, the bride buys a plain gold band to match hers but a little wider—or it may be any type of ring he prefers and she is able to buy—at the same time.

MARKING THE ENGAGEMENT AND THE WEDDING RING

The wedding ring may be engraved with whatever sentiment the bridegroom chooses. On the broad rings of yesterday it was not unusual to have a quotation of twenty-five letters or more, as well as the initials A.Y.X. and L.M.N., September 2, 1900. On the rings of today, however, A.B.Z. and L.M.N., Sept. 2, 1941, is invariably chosen.

The mounting of the modem engagement ring is usually so narrow that "A. to L. —4, 16, '41" is the most that space can be found for—and at that a magnifying glass is needed to read the letters.

The bridegroom's ring is also marked with initials or a sentiment, as the bride chooses.

THE BRIDEGROOM'S PRESENT TO THE BRIDE

He is a very exceptional and enviable man who is financially able to take his fiancée to the jeweler and let her choose what she fancies. Customarily the bridegroom goes shopping alone and buys the handsomest ornament he can afford—a string of pearls, if he has great wealth, or a diamond pendant, brooch or bracelet, or perhaps only the simplest bangle or charm. But whether his gift is of great or little worth, it must be something for her personal adornment.

THE BRIDE'S PRESENT TO THE BRIDEGROOM

The bride need not give a present to the groom, but she usually does if she can. Her favorite gift is something permanent and personal—ranging from a watch to cuff links or ring.

THE CLERGYMAN'S FEE

The fee of the clergyman may range anywhere from ten dollars to one or two hundred dollars, according to the means of the groom and the importance of the wedding. Whatever the amount, it is enclosed in an envelope and taken in charge by the best man, who hands it to the clergyman in his vestry room immediately after the ceremony.

When the clergyman comes from a distance either because he is a relative or school-master or a friend of the bridegroom's family, his traveling and hotel accommodations are, of course, paid by the groom or his family.

TO THE BRIDE WHO ASKS FOR THE PRETTIEST WEDDING AT LEAST EXPENSE

To the bride who has looked through this chapter in search of the simplest of wedding details and who has found the many directions confusingly elaborate, this postcript is intended to make clear the fact that every wedding—no matter whether it be the largest or the simplest—follows this outline:
(1) The first thing to do is to arrange with the clergyman for a day and hour, either in church or at her home, or in the study at the parsonage, or wherever else the ceremony is to take place.
(2) The bride and groom make a list of their friends and send out their invitations or prepare for sending out the announcements.
(3) She invites her attendants, if any. He selects his best man, also his ushers, if any.
(4) He buys the ring.
(5) She prepares her trousseau, simple as this may be.
(6) Preparation is made for some decoration of the background against which the ceremony is to take place and they are going to receive.
(7) Refreshments: The essential item is wedding cake and something in which to drink the health of the bride and bridegroom. This last may be a fruit juice.

From: Etiquette
"The Blue Book of Social Usage"
By Emily Post
1945

First Preparations for a Wedding FOR A CHURCH WEDDING OF IMPORTANCE