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| A large wedding party assembled around 1900. Photo courtesy of lovedaylemon, on Flickr. |
The Invitations
Wedding invitations are issued not
later than fifteen days, and not earlier than four weeks before the date set
for the marriage. Circumstances and not an inflexible rule must be the guide
with regard to the distribution of wedding invitations. For a large church
wedding, they are usually sent to all those whose names appear on the visiting
lists of the two families concerned. They are also posted to relatives and
friends of the bride and groom who may be in mourning or traveling abroad; to
the important business associates of the groom, and those of the bride's
father. An amiable bride can afford to offer as well a few extra invitations to
her bridesmaids and ushers, who may wish to ask their particular friends or
relatives to witness the ceremony.
The invitation is engraved on sheets of fine, pure white or
cream-tinted paper, having a smooth surface without glaze. From year to year
the precise proportions of these sheets vary an inch and a fraction in length
and width. A good conventional size measures seven inches and one fourth in
width, and folds once to fit its envelope. Occasionally the crest of the bride's
family or her initials are embossed in white in the centre at the top of the
engraved sheet and also on the envelope flap; but entwined initials or armorial
devices in colors, gilt-edged sheets, etc., are not in good taste. Plain script
is still the preferred engraving for wedding cards, though now and then very
heavy block lettering is used, with an agreeable effect, or the old English
characters.
An order to the stationer for wedding invitations includes
not only the envelopes into which the engraved sheets are folded, but larger
and less expensive ones into which the first are slipped. The first envelope is
not scaled; on it is inscribed only the name of the guest for whom it is
intended. The second is sealed and stamped and bears the complete address of
the person for whom it is intended. When sending wedding cards it is not
permitted to make a single invitation serve for an entire household by the
economical device of a general address like " Mr. and Mrs. Brown and
family." If the heads of the house and their unmarried sons and daughters
are bidden, one invitation is sent addressed in this form Mr. and Mrs.
Brown," one addressed thus: "The Misses Brown," and a third
addressed to "The Messrs. Brown." All three invitations, each in its
proper envelope, are for posting enclosed in a single envelope which is
addressed in full to the matron of the family, as "Mrs. John L.
Brown."
The accepted wording of an invitation to the church
wedding runs as follows, and is arranged in the order given below:
Mr. and Mrs. Charles S. Doan
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Mary
to
Mr. Theodore Dana Hunton
on Monday afternoon, October the fifth
at four o'clock
Saint Saviour's Church
New York
Another form recently adopted in fashionable society requires the use of the word and or with instead of to, and the name of the person invited is written in by hand. Though the labor of issuing the invitations is by the later device greatly increased, an additional touch of elegance and an appearance of greater courtesy is assuredly gained. The newest style shows the following arrangement:
Mr. and Mrs. Morton Ramsay
requests the honor of
..................
presence at the marriage of their daughter
Marian
and
Mr. Bryson Fitch
On Wednesday, June the twelfth
at half after four o'clock
at Holy Trinity Church
Boston
A bride who is an orphan issues her invitations in the name of her nearest surviving relative. An unmarried sister, unless a lady of mature years, is the one exception to this rule in favor of the "nearest surviving relative."
When a brother, whether married or not, is the person in whose name his sister's wedding cards are issued, the wording on the cards should run thus: Mr. Harold Vinton Brown requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of his sister Mary. A married woman would invite guests to her sister's wedding in this form: Mr. and Mrs. Thomas H. Brown request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of Mrs. Brown's sister, Mary Stayler Bond, etc., and grandparents, an uncle and aunt and a married brother would also indicate the exact degree of relationship, along with the young lady's name in full. Should the marriage be arranged to take place at the house of a friend, the wording of the invitations would take this form:
The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Miss Lucy Lidell Forsythe
to
on Monday, November the tenth
at half past four o'clock
at the residence of
Mr. and Mrs. John Tuckerman Fields
Fourteen Colorado Avenue
When a bride has lost her mother or father and the remaining parent has married again her cards are issued in the name of her own parent and her step-parent. The wording, however, clearly indicates whose child she is, unless, as is sometimes the case, she prefers, through affection for her step-parent, not to have this distinction made. Ordinarily the wording on the wedding cards of a step-daughter takes this form: Mr. and Mrs. Thomas R. Brown request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of Mrs. Brown's daughter, Eleanor Flagler Doan, etc.; or, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas R. Brown request the honor of your presence at the marriage of Mr. Brown's daughter, Amelia. When a bride's father is a widower she issues her cards in his name alone.
The chosen formula is engraved on the first pages of the double sheet and never occupies more than that one page. And let it be borne in mind, by those who seek to follow the letter of the social law concerning wedding cards, that the wording honor of your presence is now employed in preference to any other for a church wedding. In large cities where inquisitive strangers not infrequently attempt to usurp the places of the invited guests and force their way into the church where a marriage is to take place, it has become essential to guard against this imposition by inclosing with every invitation a card of admission. These are slips of white cardboard, four and one quarter by two and one-half inches, bearing the inscription
Please present this card at
Saint Saviour's Church
On Monday, October the Twenty-fifth
Cards to Wedding Reception
When a church wedding is succeeded by a reception or breakfast there is enclosed with the wedding invitation also an engraved card of medium size inscribed thus
Mr. and Mrs. Charles B. Doan
request the pleasure of
....................................
company
on Monday, October the fifth
at half past twelve o'clock
Twenty-two Washington Avenue
R.s.v.p.
or
Reception
from half past four o'clock
Twenty-two Washington Avenue
R.s.v.p.
Invitations to a midday wedding, followed by a breakfast at the bride's home, are now not infrequently cast in the very suitable English form. In this form the wedding invitation is engraved on a double sheet, and then in smaller lettering at the bottom of the page is added, and afterwards at breakfast, followed by the address of the bride's parents.
In event of a home wedding, the invitations are engraved as for a church ceremony, with the substitution in place of the sentence, honor of your presence, of the phrase pleasure [or honor] of your company. For a home wedding where the marriage ceremony is to be performed in the presence only of the immediate families concerned and to be followed by a large reception, the invitations issued generally take this form
Mr. and Mrs. Charles B. Doan
request the pleasure of your company
at the wedding of their daughter
Lydia Madeline
and
Mr. John Henry Richards
on Monday afternoon, October the first
at four o'clock
Twenty-one Beech Street
Along with such of these reception cards as are sent to special friends whose presence is desired also at the marriage are sent small cards on which is engraved, ceremony at half past three o'clock. These cards are slipped into the same envelopes that carry the reception invitations.
Under the conditions of a wedding in a country neighborhood to which guests are asked from some town or city near by, with such invitations are inclosed small printed cards (very frequently of the style displayed below) which give the schedule of trains that will transport such guests most conveniently to the place where the wedding is to occur:
Train leaves Grand Central Station
for Blythedale at 3.30 P. M.
Returning train leaves Blythedale
for New York at 6.10 P. M.
When the bride's parents place a special train at the service of their city guests, in the invitations sent to these is inclosed a card which serves as a pass, entitling the bearer to a seat in the reserved coaches. The usual form for this card is:
The special train leaves
Grand Central Station for Blytbedale
at 3.30 P.M.
Leaves Blytbedale for Grand Central Station
at 6 P. M.
Please present this card at the station door.
Now and again we meet with wedding cards on which, below the polite formula of invitation, the engraved letters R. s. v. p., and indicate that the favor of a reply is requested. This is the practice in case of a country wedding when a special train to transport city guests is engaged and the host and hostess wish to know for how many persons accommodations must be provided; it is also the practice when a city home wedding is celebrated. An answer is not infrequently asked on wedding breakfast invitations; but R. s. v. p. is rarely or never added to an invitation merely to witness the church ceremony. Wedding invitations gotten up by fashionable stationers now show instead of the letters R. s. v. p., the full phrase, in English, the favor of a reply is requested.
Invitations to Second Marriages
Cards of invitation to a woman's second marriage take the same form they would if it were her first. In the name of her parents or nearest surviving relative the cards are issued and her own name does not appear as on her first wedding cards. It is true that her own first and middle names appear, but they must be supplemented by the surname of her deceased husband, thus
Mr. and Mrs. Horace Dunham
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Mrs. Eleanor Folsom Craig
to
Mr. Harold Parker Strange
on Tuesday, December the tenth
at twelve o'clock, at
St. Margaret's Chapel
Elm Avenue
If on the occasion of her second marriage a woman has no near relatives to serve as hosts and sponsors for her, she may issue her cards in this form:
The honor of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
Mrs. Mary Foster Archbold
to
Mr. John Grey Pendleton
on Wednesday afternoon, May the fifth
at four o'clock
Church of the Redeemer
Announcement Cards
Announcement cards are employed when a marriage has been celebrated quietly in the presence of a few persons. They are posted on the day of the wedding to all relatives and friends of bride and groom. The announcement is engraved upon sheets of white paper similar in size and texture to those used for wedding invitations. The information of a marriage is conveyed thus:
Mr. and Mrs. Charles B. Doan
have the honor of announcing
the marriage of their daughter
Florence
to
Mr. Henry L. Griswold
on Thursday, October the third
nineteen hundred and one, at
St. Agnes Chapel
A large joint card of the newly married pair is very often enclosed with every announcement; and this card bears the address of the bride and groom and sometimes the name of the bride's day at home is well. The announcement of a widow's marriage can be properly made in the above form, using her Christian name, followed by the surname she bore during her first husband's lifetime.
When announcement cards are not issued in the name of the bride's nearest relatives, they should be engraved thus:
Mr. Gerard Baxter Goodman
and
Miss Frances Littig Burnham
have the honor of announcing
their marriage
on Saturday, October the fifth
nineteen hundred and one, at
The First Presbyterian Church
Baltimore
Anniversary Invitations
Invitations to a wedding anniversary may betray by delicate ornamentations the significance of the occasion. They are engraved on sheets or cards, and they may display the raised entwined initials of husband and wife and give in one upper corner the year of the marriage and in the opposite upper corner that of the anniversary to be celebrated. For a silver wedding the lettering may be in silver. The following are approved forms:
1875 F.S. 1900
Mr. and Mrs. Warren Archer Stanton
At Home
Saturday evening, June third
after nine o'clock
Forty Oak Street
or
1875 igoo
Mr. and Mrs. Warren Archer Stanton
request the Pleasure of your company
on the Twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage
on Tuesday afternoon, June third
from four until seven o'clock
Forty Oak Street
Recalling Wedding Invitations
When a death, an illness or an accident necessitates the curtailment or postponement of a wedding celebration for which invitations have been issued, the parents of the bride notify the invited guests of the change in the programme by promptly issuing printed cards recalling the invitations or announcing the postponement of the wedding. Such announcements can be got out under a time limit of twenty-four hours by a stationer who, in simple lettering, prints on cards the size of those used in correspondence the terms of recall, as follows:
Owing to the sudden death of Mr. Theodore Hunton's father Mr. and Mrs. Theodore Hunton beg to recall the cards issued for their daughter's wedding reception.
Answering Wedding Invitations
It is not essential to send a written reply to a wedding invitation unless the cards include a breakfast or luncheon at the home of the bride, or bear the letters R. s. v. p., indicating explicitly that an answer is desired. Cards to witness a large church function only need no reply. The invited guest attends or not as the case may be, since an invitation to the church is hardly regarded as a proffer of hospitality. Cards to a church or home wedding followed by a reception need no written answer, if their recipient purposes to attend; the presence of the person invited serves as an acceptance. When it is impossible or inconvenient to attend a home wedding or wedding reception, the invitation must be politely acknowledged by posting or sending by hand, the day of the marriage, two visiting cards addressed to the bride's parents. The response to a wedding invitation bearing the letters R. s. v. p. should be made promptly and formally. An acceptance may be in the following form-written on the first page of a sheet of note paper, and addressed to the parents of the bride:
Mr. and Mrs. Hugh M. Girton
accept with pleasure the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Charles B. Doan
to the wedding of their daughter
t on Monday afternoon, October fifth
t at four o'clock
Regrets may be expressed thus:
Mr. and Mrs, Hugh R. Girton
regret their inability to accept the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Charles B. Doan
to the wedding reception of their daughter
on Thursday afternoon, October fifth
at four o'clock
Cards to a silver or golden wedding reception do not require a formal written acceptance unless a reply is requested on the engraved invitation. The presence of the guest acknowledges the receipt of the cards and acceptance of the invitation, while regrets are adequately expressed by posting visiting cards addressed to the host and hostess, the day of the function, or by sending them by a messenger at the hour set for the reception. When a married couple post their cards, two of the husband's cards are inclosed with one of the wife's. An unmarried woman posts but one of her cards. An unmarried man posts two of his cards.
Announcement cards need no acknowledgment, though carefully courteous persons leave cards or call on the bride's parents within two weeks after receiving the formal notification of the marriage. Not infrequently the friends of the newly wedded pair answer an announcement card by a brief note of congratulation addressed to the bride or groom. This can be done when the friend lives at a distance from the scene of the marriage. Another course very often wisely pursued when announcement cards are received is that of promptly posting a visiting card to the bride or groom, or to both, with the words, sincere good wishes or, hearty congratulations, written thereon.
Wedding Expenses
In society to-day the father and mother of a young lady about to marry assume, with few exceptions, all the costs and responsibilities in connection with the suitable celebration of her wedding. The specific expenses and duties that their position impose on them may be enumerated thus: the engraving, addressing, and posting of invitations or announcement cards; every detail of the bride's wedding dress; the music and flowers and awning at the church; the servant on duty at the church door; the carriages that convey the bride and bridesmaids to the church, and the reception or breakfast following the church ceremony.
With the bride and her family, therefore, rests the decision as to whether her wedding is to be celebrated quietly at home or with formality and elaboration at church, as well as all points concerning the music, decorations, and the extent and type of festivity that shall follow the religious rites. No longer is it incumbent on the bride's parents to provide their daughter with the linen for her new home, though it is certainly quite permissible for them to do so; and furthermore, be it noted that they are not required to put carriages at the disposal of wedding guests except when the guests are asked from town to a wedding in the country. Then the bride's father is of necessity obliged to have carriages in readiness to meet them at the railway station, to convey them to the church and afterwards to the reception, and again to the railroad station; and this arrangement need not be mentioned in the invitations. Guests who are country residents may be expected to provide their own carriages as in town. If the bridegroom himself is not a country resident, the bride's father may place a carriage at his disposal, to convey the bride and himself from the church to the mansion, and again to the railway station after the reception.
In the event of a country wedding it is not often that the family of the lady concerned can afford to provide a special train for the convenience and comfort of the guests arriving from a distance; though where great wealth is enjoyed by the bride's father this luxury is not an uncommon adjunct to a handsome out-of-town wedding, and the invitations contain special cards that entitle the guests to seats in the reserved railway carriages, directions concerning which are given in the section on wedding invitations.
The Bride and Her Gifts
As soon as her invitations are issued, a bride-elect will daily find herself the recipient of gifts, and she must personally return by note prompt and graceful thanks for every article as soon as possible after it arrives. Unless prevented by illness there is no excuse for her delegation of this task to another and none but an inconsiderate or ignorant person will fail in this duty or postpone its fulfillment, no matter how modest the offering may be or from whom it comes. The following simple modes for expressing appreciation of a wedding gift may be utilized
20 Bellevue Terrace,
May 26th, 19—.
Dear Mrs. Holland:
Pray accept my warmest thanks for the handsome dishes that have just arrived. I am the fortunate recipient of many beautiful gifts, but of none more admired or highly prized than yours. With the hope that I will see you on my wedding day, I am,
Sincerely yours,
Marie A. Folsom.
The Manor House,
September 10th, 19—.
Dear Mr. Maxwell:
Your charming gift has arrived, and I cannot tell you how pleased I am at the kind remembrance of one so far away. Many thanks for your good wishes for my future; that will, I am sure, prove as happy as I could desire. Again with sincerest thanks, believe me to be yours,
Janet L. Thompson.
Wedding presents are not infrequently displayed on the day of the marriage and during the reception; and this is especially the practice at country weddings, where there is apt to be no opportunity for showing them before the wedding. The gifts are disposed about a room on the drawing-room or bed-room floor, every article bearing the card of its donor. In town it is much the custom at present to show the bridal silver, jewels, etc., on an afternoon two or three days before the wedding. The bride's mother then sends out brief invitations on her visiting cards, asking in the friends and relatives, and especially those who have sent gifts, to inspect the treasures, and beside every gift the card of its giver is laid. Sometimes the cards placed beside the gifts have their blank sides turned up and the number only of the gift appears thereon. When this course is followed an exhibition is, naturally, not held again on the wedding day.
Selecting the Bridal Attendants
It is a bride's privilege to decide how many persons shall compose her escort to the altar and with her rests the choice not only of the maid of honor and the bridesmaids, but of the greater number of ushers. There is no rule as yet defining exactly the number of attendants at a wedding. Rarely do more than twelve bridesmaids appear at even the most elaborate church function to-day; and for a home celebration one maid of honor usually suffices. Pages and flower girls seem now no longer essential features in an extensive bridal train, though they do occasionally serve; and from six to twelve ushers can effectively care for the guests at even the largest wedding. The corps of bridesmaids is invariably a representative group of the bride-elect's dearest feminine relations and friends; but if possible, a sister of the groom is invited to make one in her maiden escort. The maid of honor is usually the bride's sister or her most intimate girl friend; and the pages and flower girls, when these pretty servitors appear, are chosen from among the juvenile members of the bride's or the groom's family.
As soon as the marriage day is settled upon, it is customary to appoint the favored few whom the bride wishes to take part in the wedding procession. Courtesy demands that she call formally upon the young ladies she desires to so honor and ask them to serve. Having in consultation with her mother decided upon the costuming of her maids, when calling to ask their good offices she gives them in detail her ideas on this point, and can expect their implicit obedience. A wealthy and generous young woman may present everyone of her maids with her gown complete, or give them the pretty addenda of their costumes, such as the hats, fans, shoes, gloves, and handkerchiefs. It is not, however, necessary for her to do this, though she is obligated to present every lady in her train with a souvenir of the occasion. In England to-day, and formerly in America, to the lot of the groom fell this duty; but it certainly seems more fitting for these small testimonials of gratitude and affection to be given by the bride herself, and, nowadays, in our fashionable society, from her they invariably come. Bracelets, brooches, fans, vinaigrettes or jeweled lorgnon chains are first in the list of pretty trifles that a young lady may choose to bestow; and not only should the souvenirs be all alike in value and ornamentation, but they should be suitable for conspicuous use at the wedding. If the bride gives a farewell luncheon or dinner to her maids, the souvenirs are presented there and then; if not, they may be sent to the young ladies the day before or on the morning of the wedding, the sender's visiting card being enclosed with each one. It is not obligatory for a bride-elect to entertain her girl friends at a breakfast or luncheon shortly before her wedding, though there is a growing prejudice in favor of some last formal dispensing of hospitality in her father's home. When ordering carriages for the use of the bridesmaids on the wedding day, favors should be provided by the bride's family for the horses' headstalls and the coachmen's coats. One carriage will serve to carry two young ladies to and from the church.
Though a bride-elect does not personally ask any one to serve as usher, she selects a number of them from among her own relations and friends. And when they have been asked and have consented to serve, she or her mother gives them careful directions as to the part they are to play in the wedding procession and in seating guests; and on the morning of the wedding the bride sends to the house of every gentleman in her escort the boutonnière she wishes him to wear. These buttonhole bouquets are most of them made of whatever white flower predominates in the bridal decorations — white carnations, white sweet peas, white rose buds or white orchids, as the case may be.
Wedding Rehearsals
Before the celebration of an elaborate wedding in church the bridal party and the attendants should experiment with the manœuvering and grouping of the bridal procession. To call a rehearsal the bride ascertains the day and hour when it will be possible to assemble the greatest number of her maids and ushers and then by notes or verbal request appoints the time and place for their assembling, and gives orders for the opening of the church. The bride's mother may take occasion to entertain the young people at a luncheon or dinner after or before the rehearsal; but this is not necessary, and any morning, afternoon or evening agreed upon the persons chosen may gather at the church and practice the designed order of procession, until prompt and graceful manœuvering on the wedding day is insured.
Setting the Wedding Day and Hour
Wedding are celebrated the year around, for in this enlightened new century of ours there is little or no belief reposed in the old-time superstition that ill or good luck will befall a couple according as they choose an unpropitious or traditionally fortunate season in which to pledge their marriage vows. Fashion, however, decrees in favor of spring or autumn, when the weather is apt to be mild and sunshiny and the flowers are in full glory, and June and October, for this reason, are par excellence the favorite bridal months in the twelve. The Lenten days form usually the only period when no weddings of any splendor are ever celebrated. A tradition, that is the outgrowth of ancient superstitious fear, still maintains the unluckiness of Friday; but all other days of the week, save Sunday, seem equally favored by brides. And any hour between half past ten in the morning and nine at night is perfectly fitting to celebrate, with a greater or less degree of conventional pomp and circumstance, the plighting of marriage vows. Weddings that take place before twelve o'clock are as a rule, however, small family affairs, conducted at that hour to facilitate the departure of the bride and groom on a suddenly planned journey, or because mourning or illness prevents more elaborate recognition of the occasion. A wedding of the extremest fashion is usually celebrated at high noon, or twelve o'clock precisely, in imitation of the English custom, though the greater number of marriages every season occur in the afternoon. All things considered, society has chosen wisely in favor of the marriage solemnized between three and six o'clock of an autumn or spring afternoon, when the majority of invited guests are at leisure to appear at the church, when an easily conducted reception can succeed the ceremony, and when ample time is afforded the bride and her mother to prepare every detail of the designed entertainment. Night weddings are neither so fashionable nor so frequent now as in former times, for the very good reason that they are not so easily nor effectively managed as day weddings.
Preparation for a Church Wedding
Well in advance of the wedding day, the bride and her mother discuss and settle with the church organist what musical selections shall be played at the entrance and departure of the bridal procession. If there are to be elaborate decorations t florist must be consulted and given explicit directions. If the time is the spring and the place a city, the chancel would be banked with fine palms and there would be vases of flowers placed on the altar, wreaths draped about the reading-desks, chancel rail and choir stalls, and a rope of flowers cast across the centre aisle in place of the traditional white ribbon. Let the scene be changed to a picturesque village church and then the most admirable decorative effects will be secured by the use of flowers from the field or the neighboring gardens; and in such a locality, only when the weather is most unpropitious need an awning be placed at the church door. In the city an awning is one of the luxuries of large, fashionable weddings, whether the weather be fair or foul. Under the awning a strip of carpet is laid from the pavement's edge to the church door and a man in livery is always stationed to open carriage doors, give checks for identifying carriages, and to call the vehicles when again needed. Half an hour before the time appointed for the ceremony the church doors should be opened and the decorations should be ill readiness, the organist be at his instrument and the ushers be ready to show the guests to their seats. For a small and simple city wedding the awning and carpet are unnecessary; the sexton prepares and opens the church and sees that everything is in readiness.
When a White Ribbon is Used
The first two, four, six or eight pews nearest the chancel and to the right and left of the centre aisle, are always reserved for the accommodation of the bride's and groom's families and their nearest friends; and whether or not a length of white satin ribbon or a wreath of flowers shall form a barrier between these favored few and the rest of the company is a question that a good many brides now answer in the negative, preferring to draw no such obvious distinction between their friends. In consequence, at many a wedding the ushers are instructed merely to reserve pew space for the families of the bride and groom, and seat all other guests as conveniently and comfortably as possible, and without special discrimination. Misunderstandings and heartburnings, so often the consequence of an ill-judged bestowal of the honor of a seat above the white ribbon, have induced many to forego its use entirely. But for all that, it does sometimes play its part at a wedding, and then to every usher must be given a list of those persons entitled to sit above the barrier, or else — and this is a more modern and also a more convenient device — there must be inclosed in the invitations to those selected to sit above the ribbon a card bearing the number of the pew which the recipient is appointed to occupy in the circle of honor.
A Fashionable Church Ceremony
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| The 1900s bride and her husband emerge from church and get showered with rice. Photo courtesy of lovedaylemon, on Flickr. |
A bride should make every effort to appear at the church door exactly on the stroke of the hour named in her invitations and with this object in view her maids and the maid of honor should be directed to assemble in their carriages in good time before their friend's door. Anticipating her daughter's departure by a few moments, the bride's mother drives, with those of her children who are to take no part in the bridal procession, to the church, and on the arm of the head usher she walks to her seat — the first pew to the left, at the top of the centre aisle. As soon as all the bridesmaids appear before the door, the bride enters her carriage with her father and bringing up the rear of the line of vehicles, proceeds immediately to the church. When these carriages arrive before the church, the way under the awning, the vestibule and the centre aisle are cleared of guests by the ushers; the doors of the vestibule leading into the church and into the street are closed; and the bride and her maids, having left their carriages, assemble in the vestibule. As soon as the bridal carriages draw up at the church door, news of their arrival is sent to the groom and the organist is warned to be on the alert for a signal to be given by the opening of the doors at the foot of the centre aisle. When the cortage is in readiness to proceed, the sexton and his assistant open wide the vestibule doors and then as the wedding march peals forth the ushers, walking two and two, advance first toward the chancel, followed by the bridesmaids in similar order. Behind these moves the bride, leaning on the arm of her father and immediately preceded by her maid of honor, who walks alone. Arriving at the foot of the chancel steps, the ushers break ranks, one half of their number moving up to the right and the other to the left, thus forming segments of an arc on either side of that point where the bride and groom are to stand. The bridesmaids follow the same manœuvre, passing up higher into the chancel between the ranks of the ushers, to stand, one half at the top of the line of gentlemen on the left and the other half at the top of the line on the right, and thereby completing the crescent that seems to partially enclose or frame the chief bridal group. At the foot of the chancel steps, the bride slips her hand from the arm of her father and puts it into the right hand of the groom, who has advanced to meet her, and thus she is led between the two lines of bridesmaids and ushers, her maid of honor on the left and her father behind her, to her place before the clergyman. Arrived at this point, she draws her hand from the arm of the groom and the religious rite begins. During the preliminary exhortation the maid of honor stands at the bride's left, but a pace in her rear, and her father remains, until the moment of giving her away, directly behind either the maid of honor or his daughter. Just as the moment for this ceremony arrives, the bride usually gives the maid of honor her bouquet, and when the clergyman inquires Who giveth this woman to this man? the father, advancing between the bride and groom, takes his daughter's right hand, lays it in that of the groom, bowing his acquiescence as he murmurs, I do. He then immediately steps down to the first pew at the left of the aisle, to find a seat beside his wife. When the ring is to be adjusted the bride, if she removes her glove, gives it also to the maid of honor, and not until the final blessing is spoken does she accept her bouquet and glove again.
The rite all spoken, the bride turns to leave the altar, placing her left hand on the arm of her husband. At that moment the organ peals forth another triumphant wedding march, and leading the way the happy pair move down the aisle, followed by the maid of honor on the arm of The Best Man, while in their rear come the bridesmaids, every young lady on the arm of an usher. When the bride and groom reach the church door, their carriage should be found awaiting them; and entering it, they drive off at once, followed by the best man and the maid of honor in another carriage. Then the maids and ushers leave the church and take carriages in the order in which they came down the aisle, and drive off in rapid succession after the bride and groom. As soon as the wedding party have passed down the aisle, the bride's family follow and in turn drive off; but not until the whole bridal party and the special guests have passed out are the church doors opened wide and left unguarded to permit the departure of the guests in general. Music is discoursed by the organist until the last seat is vacated.
Such is the simplest method of celebrating a fashionable church wedding, a method on which the preferences of every bride play almost countless variations. It is, for example, a frequent and a pretty practice to have a picturesquely gowned child as maid of honor; also for the bride to be preceded from the altar by a couple of little girls, who strew rose leaves from delicate baskets in her path, while her train is born by pages in satin court costumes who carry wands wreathed in white ribbons. Weddings are sometimes prettily varied by all the bridesmaids entering first from the vestry room door, proceeding down the centre aisle and there meeting the bride and escorting her to the altar. In the grouping of attendants in the chancel various changes are possible and sometimes requisite. If a bride, as is not infrequently the case, has no other feminine attendant than a maid of honor, the ushers may precede her to the altar or not, as she herself wishes and directs. If they do not, then the head ushers hasten from the church to the home of her parents, in order to meet her and the groom on the threshold and give them welcome, and the maid of honor walks down the aisle on the arm of the best man. When a bride has no maid of honor and no bridesmaids, her father remains beside her throughout the ceremony and holds her bouquet and glove when the ring is placed. When a bride is to be given away by her mother she does not walk up the aisle with her mother, but on the arm of a young brother or quite alone, and when the clergyman asks who gives her away, the mother merely rises in her pew, bows her acquiescence and reseats herself. While going up and down the church aisle, a bride should preserve an air of quiet dignity, looking neither to right nor left, and making no attempt to recognize or discern the friendly faces and admiring glances that border her path.
Home Weddings
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| Another large wedding party gathered in front of a home in the 1900s. Notice the flowers being worn in almost everyone's left lapel. Photo courtesy of lovedaylemon, on Flickr. |
Exceedingly handsome and fashionable weddings are frequently solemnized nowadays in the home of the bride or in spacious hotel drawing-rooms; as a rule in the presence of but a few near relatives, and followed a half hour later by an elaborate reception and breakfast at which a concourse of friends appear. As it is difficult to manœver an effective bridal procession in any but the most splendid and spacious mansions, few home weddings are celebrated with a train of maids. This, however, is not an impossible achievement, and beautiful weddings have been conducted in country houses by utilizing the most spacious room on the parlor floor as a temporary chapel, embowering one end of it in flowers, measuring off an ample aisle space by white ribbons, and to the sound of the wedding march from a concealed orchestra, marshalling the bridal party down a wide stairway, through a broad hall and so into the presence of the guests and clergyman. This is done frequently in country neighborhoods when the only church is at an inconvenient distance from the bride's home. In the city a home wedding is apt to be the choice of a bride, who rather shrinks from the expense, labor, and publicity that a church wedding entails; or a home wedding is sometimes necessitated by the fact that the bride and groom profess different religious creeds. At even the most ceremonious home wedding, held in the ordinary city house, the bride is rarely attended by more than two bridesmaids; frequently and preferably, by a single maid of honor. In preparation for the event all the lower floor or living rooms of the house are set in order and garnished with flowers and a floral arch or a temporary altar is erected in that room where the bride and groom will pledge their vows. A quarter of an hour before the marriage takes place, guests will begin to appear, and the bride's mother, standing by the drawing-room door and assisted by her husband or some of her sons or daughters, receives them. As soon as the groom, the best man and the clergyman arrive, they are directed by the servant at the door to a room placed especially at their disposal, where the clergyman may don his robes, and where the three remain until the time draws near for the ceremony. When the bride is ready to proceed to the altar, a message to that effect is conveyed to the groom, his attendant and the clergyman, and they then go at once to the drawing-room and stand waiting for the bride. At the head of the stairs the bride is met by her father, who gives her his arm and, with the maid of honor preceding them, they descend and enter the drawing-room. At this moment the orchestra of stringed instruments, that from its secluded corner has discoursed melodiously during the arrival of the guests, receives a warning and begins the wedding march. Just before the bride reaches the threshold of the drawing-room, white satin ribbons are drawn down through the crowd of guests by, perhaps, two of her young brothers or sisters, or by little pages, so as to form a lane reaching from the door she is to enter by to the place where the groom and the minister stand awaiting her. Guests will fall away naturally to either side of these barriers, and the mother and the immediate family of the bride move so as to stand on her left and the nearest to her of all the persons outside the ribbons.
The order of the ceremony is identical with that of the ceremony at a church wedding. As the last blessing is given the white ribbons are hastily rolled up. The clergyman then offers his congratulations and at once makes his way out to take off his robes; or, if he wears no special robes, he quietly slips from his place and the bride and groom step into it, facing the assembled company. The bridal attendants, if there are any, face about in the same way, maintaining their position near the bride, and the reception or breakfast proceeds.
The Wedding Reception
A fashionable wedding celebrated in the afternoon or in the evening is followed by a reception, whether the marriage takes place in church, at the home of the bride's parents or in hotel parlors rented for the occasion. A bridal reception differs from that given in honor of a débutante only in respect to certain minor details. The drawing-room floor is opened to its fullest extent and adorned with flowers. For an afternoon reception artificial light is only used in the city and when the day is dark. In spring or summer in the country, if the bride's home is set in the midst of pretty lawns and flower beds, the reception can very effectively be carried out exactly after the manner of a garden party, the bride and groom standing to receive their friends under the trees, while refreshments are served from tables placed beneath striped awnings. At a wedding, champagne is the beverage poured for the guests and in addition, punch or red or white wines may be served. On a table placed conspicuously in the main hallway are heaped small white boxes filled with rich fruit cake, each bearing in gilt or silver the initials of the surnames of groom and bride. These are prepared by the caterer, one for every guest, and are meant to serve in the place of the slice from the bride's loaf to which, in other days, every guest was entitled and that now is rarely seen at any wedding. Frequently the confectioner is ordered to erect from pastry, sugar, and gilded loaves a splendid "bride's cake" to occupy the centre of a table in the dining-room; but this is a hollow sham, not to be cut, and contains no ring or thimble. Occasionally at weddings a bridal register, bound in white, having initials of the bride and groom and the date in gold lettering on the cover, is placed, with pen and ink, in the hall or library. The dozen or more blank pages of this volume are filled with the signatures of the guests.
How the Bride Receives
Arriving after the church ceremony at her parents' home, the bride, with the groom, goes at once to the drawing-room. As her maids and nearest relations appear she throws back her veil to receive the kisses and expressions of congratulation; and then the bride and groom stand together under a group of floral wedding bells or before a screen of flowers, the bridesmaids forming a line or group to the left of the bride. The parents of the bride stand together near the door by which the guests enter, and the father and mother of the groom are conspicuously present at some other point in the room. Guests are not announced at a wedding reception, but are allowed to join at once the line rapidly passing in review before the bride and groom, the ushers taking care to see that all strangers to the bride are properly introduced. The bride greets everyone with extended hand and cordial thanks for his kind speeches. To those who but briefly address her she need only say, How do you do; thank you so much, or My dear Mrs. Blank, it is so good of you to say so many kind and flattering things, or I thank you Mr. —. If I look as happy as I feel then I must be the picture of content, or It is most reassuring to hear you, for I confess I was terribly nervous, or How kind you are. Indeed I do feel as of there were nothing left to wish for in the world.
While guests are still arriving the bride and groom are not privileged to leave their places. When no ushers are at hand to make introductions, the bride presents her husband to those of her friends whom he does not know, exacting from him a like service when his friends arrive. It is quite easy for her to say, You have not met my husband, I think, Miss Blank? George, I wish to introduce you. Miss Blank is saying the kindest things to us both, or How do you do, Mr. —. Pray let me introduce my husband, who I believe has not yet met you.
It is a mistake for a bride to detain a friend for even a short conversation as long as guests are pressing forward for recognition. Throughout the reception the bride's mother must not leave her place in the drawing-room. Nearly every guest will wish to speak to her before or after greeting the bride and groom, and, however deeply her feelings may be stirred, she should make every effort to maintain a calm and cheerful expression before her friends, greeting everyone with a kindly hand clasp and responding with a few gracious words to congratulations on the successful conduct of the church ceremonial and beauty of the bride.
There is no special obligation for the host of the occasion to remain at his wife's side throughout the reception. Ordinarily he receives with her for a half hour or more, and then devotes himself to bestowing friendly attention and talk where they are most needed, finding chairs for matrons in the dining-room, seeing that their wants are satisfied and so on; and he gives special attention to the mother or the nearest woman relative of the groom present. If the bride enters the dining-room at all, she does so on the arm of her husband. Frequently she prefers to keep her position in the drawing-room until the time draws near for her departure. Then she disappears quietly, with a sister or one or more of her bridesmaids, and returns in her traveling gown to find her husband awaiting her at the foot of the stairs, along with the ushers, bridesmaids, her family and those friends who linger to see her departure. Of these she takes leave, last of all embracing her mother, and drives off with her husband amid showers of rice and satin slippers.
Evening Wedding Receptions
All the foregoing rules, as far as practicable, apply also to a reception held after a marriage celebrated in the evening. Rarely nowadays do we hear of weddings followed by dancing, a custom common enough a half century ago. When a bride wishes to break through the formal regulations of the present fashion and dance at her wedding, she first receives her guests in the regular way, and after the majority of the persons invited have arrived she treads the first measure with her husband, or else with the best man, in which case the groom offers his hand to the maid of honor or the first bridesmaid. According to a pretty, old fashion, the ball may be opened by a double set of lancers in which only the bride, groom, bridesmaids and ushers take part, the guests looking on meanwhile. For such a wedding entertainment a buffet supper is served throughout the evening.
Wedding Breakfasts
A wedding breakfast is a function not to be attempted unless the invitation list has been limited to the bridal party and a few near relatives and particular friends, or unless the bride's parents enjoy unlimited means and have a spacious mansion, or can afford to secure for the occasion a handsome ample suite of apartments in a hotel or restaurant. At so few wedding breakfasts or luncheons are guests seated at one long table that that this form of entertainment need not be considered here. The practice that now prevails, and probably will prevail for many years to come, favors the seating of guests at a number of small tables in one or more rooms on the drawing-room floor. The assistance of an accomplished caterer is almost imperative if a wedding breakfast is ventured on, and as all those invited to breakfast may be requested to answer their invitations, the hostess of the occasion can give the caterer the exact number of persons for whose needs he must provide. Unless it is in the depth of the winter and the day proves very dark, the breakfast should not be eaten by artificial light. Music is usually supplied, and is placed as for a reception; and in the room or rooms where the tables are spread there are ample floral decorationsÑtall palms distributed among the furniture and bowls of flowers on every table add much to the beauty and gaiety of the scene. An ample force of men servants in evening livery is required in order that proper attention be given to all the guests. One table, larger than the others, placed in the centre or at one end of the dining-room and especially decorated with silver leaves and a nougat temple, white flowers, and handsome silver, is reserved for the bridal party. No other seats or tables are apt to be reserved; nor are cards of location often placed at other covers, since it is found more convenient to let the guests choose their seats and tables as they like or under the guidance of the waiters.
Whether the wedding breakfast follows a church or a home ceremony, the bride and groom and their parents receive in a drawing-room, as directed in the paragraphs concerning receptions. When all the invited guests have arrived, the doors of the dining-room are opened, and the bride and groom enter first, the bride leaning on her husband's arm. The ushers and maids of honor follow; then the bride's father takes in the groom's mother or nearest woman relative present, and finally the guests in general enter in the order that pleases them best. The men do not give the women their arms as at a dinner, but the hostess lingers to see that no woman is without an escort. As a rule, the hostess goes in last, on the arm of the groom's father; and the breakfast is served in its regular courses.
If the bride cuts a cake, the first slices are given to those at the bridal table; but at a breakfast a cake is rarely or never served. Instead, the boxes of plummy loaf are supplied in the hallway.
The Groom
In the selection of the best man the groom consults his personal preferences entirely, chosing for his supporter an intimate friend or his own brother. Though tradition and custom still hold in favor of a bachelor best man, a married friend or relative is not ineligible to this office. In consultation with his fiancée, the groom makes up the list of ushers when a church wedding is to be solemnized, for though the lady may and does usually select the majority of these attendants, to the groom falls the duty of requesting them to serve. Quite unceremoniously, in the street or business office or through the medium of a brief note, a gentleman can ask his friends and those of the bride to act as best man and ushers. The fees for the marriage license and the clergyman, and for the sexton for opening and lighting the church, are paid by the groom. If more than one clergyman officiates at the tying of the knot then both will expect substantial recognition of their services. Not less than five dollars is given by the man who has sufficient means to justify his entering the married state, while twenty-five dollars is the minimum fee in fashionable society. And as regards the friends or relatives of the bride or groom asked to officiate, it rests with the bridegroom to determine whether to give some memento of the occasion, such as a piece of silver plate or something equally valuable, or a money fee corresponding to that given to the rector or vicar, although oftener than not, when the relationship is a very near one — that of brother or uncle, for instance — this recognition of services is dispensed with. In addition to paying the fees above mentioned, the groom must tip the sexton, if the church is opened for a rehearsal; and he must provide the marriage ring, the bride's bouquet, the bouquets of the bridesmaids and, if he desires, neckties and gloves for the best man and the ushers. The sleeve-links or scarf-pins that he gives to the best man and ushers as souvenirs seem nowadays to be almost is essential as the clergyman's fee. The groom sends carriages to convey the ushers to and from the church and he provides not only the carriage in which he and his best man go to the church, but also the one in which he and his bride drive away after the ceremony. The groom should play the part of host to a best man who has to come from a distant place in order to serve; and if both groom and best man come from a distance for the wedding and travel on together the groom is entitled to offer to pay the best man's traveling expenses and to assume at the hotel where they put up the burden and privilege of a host, though this is not an obligation.
The Farewell Bachelor Dinner
In fashionable society this is an habitual but certainly not a necessary feast, given by the groom in the week or fortnight preceding his wedding. It is celebrated either at his home, at his favorite club or in the private dining-room of a hotel. To this the ushers and the best man are invited, in addition to any other male guests he may desire. At the table, the best man is seated on the host's right hand, or assists in doing the honors at the foot of the table. At their covers are placed the souvenirs for the ushers and whether other toasts are drunk or not, one to the bride is never omitted, the host proposing her name and all the guests rising glass in hand to do her honor.
It is a rule for the neckties and souvenirs for the ushers and best man to be given them on the occasion of the farewell dinner. They are done up for every guest in boxes tied with white ribbons and laid on or beside their plates. When the list of guests includes other guests than the best man and ushers, these testimonials of the groom's gratitude are best handed to the persons for whom they are intended when they make ready to depart.
When no farewell dinner is given the souvenirs are distributed the day before the wedding. They should be as nearly alike as possible except that for the best man a handsomer and more distinctive memento is usually chosen.
The Groom at the Wedding
A genuinely considerate man does not, when an elaborate ceremonial has been arranged, attempt to see his bride on the wedding day until she comes to him at the altar. If a twelve o'clock wedding is planned, he will find it most convenient to breakfast with his best man and drive with him to the church. If an afternoon ceremony is arranged, they would lunch together, and arriving at the church, go in by the side door to the vestry room, there to wait news of the bride's coming. To the best man the groom gives the fee and the ring, the first in form of a single gold coil or a crisp new bill or a check folded very small.
When the signal is given that the bride is at the church door, the groom, with his gloves and hat in one hand (if he carries his hat into the chancel at all), walks into the chancel behind the clergyman, followed by the best man. Outside the communion rail, to the left of the minister, he stands facing the congregation until the bride appears. Giving gloves and hat to the best man, he moves down to the foot of the chancel steps to meet the bride, extending his right hand is she draws near to lead her to her place at his left and facing the clergyman just as the time for adjusting the ring arrives the best man places it in the palm of the groom. As soon as the ceremony is concluded, the duty of the newly made husband is to wheel about and, facing the congregation, draw his wife's hand through his arm. Accepting his hat and gloves from the best man, he, with his wife beside him, walks at once down the aisle and out to the street, and drives away.
The Groom at a Wedding Reception
The role of a bridegroom at a wedding reception is simple enough. Having laid aside his hat and gloves, he stands at his wife's side in the drawing-room and receives the introductions and congratulations with a hand shake and polite acknowledgments such as, Thank you. I do indeed feel I am blessed quite beyond my deserts, or How do you do. You are very kind. If the bride wishes to enter the dining-room, her husband gives her his arm, and at a wedding breakfast he leads the way to the dining-room with his wife on his arm.
The Groom at a Home Wedding
When, at a home wedding, the groom enjoys the services of a best man, he drives with his friend to the home of the bride's parents some fifteen minutes in advance of the time set for the ceremony; and he gives to the best man both the ring and the fee. On their arrival, they go at once to the room reserved for their use. Hats, coats, and gloves are laid aside, and when warned that the bride is about to descend, the two go down to the drawing-room preceded by the clergyman. The groom goes forward to meet the bride as she enters and leads her before the officiating priest or minister. At the conclusion of the ceremony, he turns and stands facing the guests, his wife at his right hand, and receives the congratulations. At the moment the bride leaves the drawing-room or breakfast-room to put off her wedding gown for a traveling gown, the groom hurries to the dressing-room set aside for his use — that is, if he and his wife are set off at once for a wedding journey — and hastens to exchange his wedding clothes for a traveling suit, having, on the morning of the wedding day sent a bag or dress-suit case containing his traveling outfit to the home of the bride, in order to make this change there. The change made, he places his wedding garments in the satchel or case in which the other suit was brought. If no wedding journey is planned, and the bride and groom purpose to drive but a few blocks or miles to their new home, or to a hotel where rooms have been engaged, the groom makes no change in his dress; but having put on his overcoat and gloves, stands, hat in hand, at the foot of the stairs to await the bride's descent. On her reappearance, he takes leave of all the waiting friends and relatives and drives away at once with his wife.
The Best Man
The duties of one who serves as best man are simple and easy to perform. The first obligation is to purchase and forward a suitable wedding gift to the bride. Now and then a best man will set aside the rule of etiquette that dictates that all wedding presents shall be given to the bride, and bestow some token of personal regard upon the groom instead. A smoking-set, silver toilet articles or desk conveniences may, for example, be marked with the groom's initials and sent in good time to that gentleman's home. This course, however, is not frequently followed, despite the fact that there is nothing to be urged against it as regards justice and appropriateness.
It all depends upon the groom's wishes whether the best man shall lend assistance in planning and preparing for the wedding journey, in procuring the ring and the license, and in the settlement of the many business and social details involved in so important an event. Assuredly the best man is required to place his time and services wholly at his friend's disposal. If there is no wedding rehearsal, he will still do well to familiarize himself as far as possible with the role he is to enact in the ceremony and especially take care to make exact disposition of the ring and the minister's fee. When the ceremony is to be elaborate he will play the part of a good friend by gaining such knowledge of it in advance that he will be able to prompt or assist the groom, should that gentleman's presence of mind desert him at the altar, as so frequently happens.
A best man leaves the question of his conveyance to and from the church in the hands of the groom. The latter may wish his supporter to drive with him to the scene of the ceremony after they have lunched together. Otherwise, the best man will find a carriage at his disposal, and if he drives alone to the church he should not fail to reach the vestry-room door at least a quarter of an hour in advance of the bride's anticipated arrival. To him, as a rule, is given the ring and the fee, and these he places, the ring in his right and the fee in his left-hand waistcoat pocket, and the very last moment before entering the chancel makes quite sure they are both safe and accessible.
The Groom and Best Man's Hats
A question that calls for consideration — What is the proper disposition for the best man to make of his own and the groom's hat? One of the best man's most obvious duties is supposed to be the guardianship of the groom's hat and gloves during the ceremony, and it stands to reason that if he takes his own hat and gloves into the chancel and also assumes the care of his friend's belongings, he will not only present a ludicrous spectacle as he stands through the service with a silk hat in either hand, but when the moment for presentation of the ring arrives he will be unable, without awkwardly laying aside at least one hat and one pair of gloves, to fulfil his allotted and most important office in the programme. In recent seasons, at well ordered weddings hats have not been carried into the chancel. In the vestry the best man takes charge of his friend's hat and, placing it with his own, sends them by a trusty person to the door of the church, so that when the bridal procession files out they may be delivered back to the owners just as they are passing to their respective carriages. This is the course when the best man on coming out is to walk down the aisle with a maid of honor on his arm. At a wedding where there is no maid of honor the best man can, if he prefers, leave his own hat and gloves in the vestry-room, and when the ceremony is over make his exit from the church through the vestry, to find his carriage awaiting him at a side door. This leaves him free to hold the groom's hat and gloves and still present the ring and the fee.
As soon as the news of the bride's arrival before the church door is conveyed to the vestry-room, the best man, walking behind both the clergyman and the groom, enters the chancel, and facing the congregation, stands at the left of his friend and outside the communion rail. If a portion of the service is spoken at the foot of the chancel steps, the best man follows the groom when the latter goes forward to meet the bride, standing a step in the rear. When the couple go up into the chancel for their final vows, he again follows, and remains a pace behind the groom. Anticipating the moment the ring is to come into requisition, he advances and places it in his friend's hand, and at the conclusion of the ceremony, handing the groom his hat and gloves, he slips the envelope containing the fee into the clergyman's hand.
If his exit is to be made with a maid of honor, he immediately follows the bride and groom with the maid of honor on his right arm, hands her into the carriage directly behind that of the bride and groom, and entering himself, the two drive to the reception. When no maid of honor serves, the best man should hasten from the church by the side door, and driving by the shortest route to the home of the bride's parents, anticipate the arrival of the bride and groom and be the first to offer them a welcome and good wishes. Quite within the scope of his duties at the wedding reception is the task of assisting the ushers in presenting guests to the bride and the groom and in attending to the wants of the women guests in the dining-room. At a wedding breakfast he takes the maid of honor or the first bridesmaid to a seat at the bridal table. Toward the conclusion of the reception or breakfast, or as soon as the bride and groom leave the room to make ready for their journey, he drives to the dock or railway station from which they are to take their departure.
Where the arrangement of the wedding journey has been confided to his hands, he secures the proper staterooms, seats, or sleeping-coach section several days in advance; orders flowers, fruit, and current literature for the diversion of the travelers; sees that their checked luggage is safely on board and their hand luggage properly placed; gives the groom the tickets and itinerary, and waits to bid him and his bride godspeed and wave them adieu.
The services of a best man seem nowadays essential for a home wedding. Driving with the groom the bride's home, he accompanies his friend to the room set apart for their use and there awaits the signal of the bride's readiness. He then follows the groom to the drawing-room, and fulfills his part of the ceremony precisely as laid down in the foregoing paragraphs. No hats are carried into the drawing-room to harass the mind of the best man; and at the conclusion of the ceremony he proceeds to employ himself as set forth in the directions for a wedding reception or breakfast.
A best man who is keenly alive to all the refinements of etiquette calls upon the bride's mother a fortnight after the wedding at which he has served upon the bride and groom as soon as they return from their honeymoon. If he feels any doubt as to the proper form in which to offer his felicitations to the bride and groom he may safely say to the former, Let me offer hearty good wishes for your life-long happiness. To the groom, The congratulations of an envious bachelor be on your head, my dear fellow. You have secured the capital prize in life's lottery. Or, It is impossible to wish you any greater good fortune than you have had today, or to offer you congratulations more sincere than mine.
The Ushers
The ushers receive all directions as to their conduct at a wedding from the bride or her mother. A man who has consented to serve as an usher should make an effort to appear at the wedding rehearsal, if one is called. He must send the bride a gift, and on the day of the marriage be at the church at least twenty minutes before the doors open, in order to seat the prompt guests.
On those gentlemen who are appointed head ushers falls the duty of taking note, before the doors are opened, that the decorations, the lights and the ventilation are properly arranged, and that the organist has arrived and knows what music is to be played. If a white ribbon is to be used, the ushers calculate the number of pews that must be reserved and stretch the ribbon at the proper place across the centre aisle. The bride supplies a yard or two of satin ribbon; to either end of the ribbon a weight is fastened, and the weights, placed in the ends of opposite pews, hold the ribbon quite taut and firm. If reserved seats are not barred off by a ribbon, the head ushers take every precaution to keep clear a few pews at the top of the centre aisle for the use of the families of the bride and groom.
In case a close canvass has been made of the families concerned and the bride has drawn up a list of the persons destined for the seats of honor, it is every usher's duty to try and familiarize himself in some measure with the names on the list, so as not to force a wedding guest to stand awkwardly waiting while he scans his paper to identify their pew numbers. Ushers follow the general rule of seating relatives and friends of the groom to the right of the centre aisle, and those of the bride to the left. Ushers in the side aisles request those guests that are to sit above the white ribbon to appeal for seats to the gentlemen serving in the Centre aisle. At very fashionable weddings the usher gives his right arm to every lady whom he escorts to a pew. This courtesy, however, is sometimes difficult of graceful execution, when a woman is accompanied by a man or when several ladies arrive at the church together. Then the usher merely bows to indicate his readiness to serve, asks how many there are in the group, and walks beside the party or precedes them up the aisle and inquires whether they are friends oil' the bride or of the groom. To a lady arriving alone he can most appropriately offer his arm, and he may ask her name, if that is necessary to satisfy himself as to her proper location.
On the appearance of the bride's mother, a head usher gives her his arm to her seat. And when the first carriage of the bridal party arrives, the head ushers order the central front doors of the church closed and the centre aisle swiftly cleared, and while the head ushers go into the vestibule to greet the bride and her maids, the assistant ushers stand so as to prevent any guests from entering the centre aisle.
As soon as the vestibule doors are opened and the head ushers advance into the aisle, the assistant ushers fall into ranks behind them, walking two and two, and all proceed to such positions in the chancel as the bride and her mother have appointed for them and they have usually learned at rehearsal. When after the ceremony the bride and groom pass down the aisle to their carriage, the ushers step forward in order, one after another, to meet the bridesmaids, and then each with a young lady on his arm follows in the steps of the bridal couple. Driving to the scene of the bridal festivity, each one in the company of a bridesmaid, they hasten to offer good wishes to the bride, and felicitations to the groom are made in some such form as, Let me congratulate you on your happiness and good fortune, Mr. Blank, or, Congratulations, my dear fellow, on the best day's work of your life.
The Ushers at a Wedding Reception
As soon as guests begin to appear the ushers turn their attention to seeking out those who may be strangers to the bride or groom, and taking them up for introductions. With this in view they gather near the drawing-room door and are privileged to address strangers as well as friends. To a woman guest an usher may say, Can I assist in finding a way for you to the bride? or Have you met Mrs. Blank? May l introduce you? Please give me your name? He is at liberty, furthermore, to offer her his arm, and can quickly overcome any formality by such kindly, conventional little sentences as, I really think you will find my arm of assistance; this is a formidable crowd; or, Were not you at the church ? I think I had the pleasure of finding a seat for you.
The briefest possible introduction is best when presenting strangers to a bride at a crowded reception. It will be sufficient to say, Mrs. Blank, let me present Miss — or Mrs. Blank, Mrs. — is most anxious to meet you.
A conscientious usher, at the conclusion of every introduction hurries back to his post of duty at the door, after saying to the person he has presented to the bride, Pray excuse me, or I see I am still needed at the door; will you excuse me?
When the majority of the guests have arrived, every usher is at liberty to seek out his special women friends and accompany them in turn to the dining-room and help to serve them there. He is not obliged to pay any special attention to the bridesmaid who accompanied from the church; but if a breakfast is served he goes into the dining-room with her and finds a place for her and himself at the bridal table.
Good by, God bless you! Good by, a pleasant voyage to you, or Good luck go with you! are the civil forms of farewell to a bride and groom from an usher. When their carriage has disappeared, the ushers take formal leave of the bride's parents before quitting the house. To call upon the bride's mother within the month following the wedding is a courteous attention, and one which every usher should endeavor to pay.
The Duties of the Bridesmaids
The bridesmaid and maid of honor must yield unquestioningly to the taste of the bride concerning the color, mode of making, and all the appointments of their wedding dresses. If the bride wishes a special modiste to be employed for these ccostumes, they must make every effort to accept her dictation, just as they are privileged to receive from a rich and generous bride, if that is her desire, their toilets complete, including all the elegant little etceteras, as a fine gift. A bridesmaid sends an appropriate present to the friend she is to serve. She must take pains to attend the rehearsal for the ceremony, if one is appointed. She will be asked to view the bridal gifts. A bouquet from the groom and a pretty trinket from the bride are souvenirs of the occasion that fall to the lot of every bridesmaid; and on the day of the wedding she may also expect to have a carriage placed at her disposal by the bride's parents. In this she drives first to the bride's home, and there wait — in her carriage — along with the other bridesmaids until the bride, accompanied by her father, enters her own carriage. Then, preceding the bride, the maids are driven to the church and assemble in the vestibule. There the procession forms and they, walking two and two, proceed up the aisle, maintaining a measured and dignified pace and carrying their bouquets before them. They advance to the altar and take the positions already described. The maid of honor walks alone, directly before the bride, and at the altar stands on the left and a few steps in the rear of her friend.
When a maid of honor serves, to her falls the task of holding the bride's bouquet and glove when the ring is to be placed on her finger, and these she restores at the close of the service. When the service is finished she advances a little to meet the best man who offers her his arm. In it she places her left hand, and the two move down the chancel steps and follow the bride and groom out of the church. After them, the bridesmaids and ushers meet, the young ladies leaning on the arms of the gentlemen, and so follow, all taking carriages at the door, in the order and manner already described, and driving away to the scene of the reception or breakfast.
On entering the room where the bride and groom stand to greet their friends, every maid bestows on the bride an affectionate kiss, with some proper words of congratulation. Then some simple, cordial words of felicitation are spoken to the groom.
A pretty wedding custom, and one nearly always followed, is that of grouping the bridesmaids in a semicircle just beyond that point where the newly wedded couple stand to receive good wishes and congratulations. Every bridesmaid holds her bouquet in her gloved hands, and aids in forming a sort of glittering train to the important stars of the occasion, while she smiles and bows to those whom she knows in the line of guests moving forward to do homage to the bride and groom. After a half hour this grouping breaks up and the maid of honor and her sister maids are at liberty to move about seeking their friends, or to pass into the dining-room for refreshments. At a ceremonious breakfast, luncheon or supper, the bridesmaids are expected to enter the dining-room, each attended by one of the ushers, and take their appointed seats at one of the tables especially devoted to the bridal party.
Unless requested to do so by the bride, her maids do not follow to her room when her wedding gown is to be exchanged for a traveling suit, but await her reappearance in the hallway. There, with a kiss and a word of good wishes for a happy journey, they bid her good by. To call upon the bride's mother a week or ten days after the wedding, and upon the bride is soon as she is settled in her husband's home, are social obligations not to be overlooked. When a young lady serves as bridesmaid or maid of honor at a home wedding, she drives in full toilet to the bride's residence. On her arrival she goes at once to a dressing-room, lays aside her wraps, and when all is in readiness precedes or follows the bride and her father down the stairs, and thereafter performs her duties in the same way as at a church ceremony.
Second Marriages
Whether solemnized at her home or in church, a woman's second marriage is conducted on a much less elaborate scale than her first, though in many details it may be carried out on very nearly the same lines. At her second marriage a bride does not have bridesmaids, does not wear a white veil, a white gown or orange blossoms, and does not have flower girls or pages. But if it is a church wedding, ushers are appointed; the bride is given away by her father, her brother or a masculine friend; and a maid of honor may precede her to the altar.
If the second marriage takes places shortly after mourning for the first husband is put off, an instinct of good taste counsels a quiet morning or afternoon ceremony, in the presence of only intimate friends and near relatives, followed by a reception. If after a number of years of widowhood a woman remarries under conspicuously happy auspices, with the cordial approval of her children and friends, she can indulge her preference for an ornate ceremony by filling the church with her friends, wearing a brilliant gown, and celebrating her happiness by a reception or breakfast to follow. At a second marriage, as at a first, the bride or her family bears all the expenses of her wed ding; and for gifts received a bride, at a second marriage as at a first, returns thanks promptly by means of notes.
In event of a breakfast, supper or reception given in her own home or that of her parents, the bride follows exactly the same course as when first a bride. Should both the ceremony and the reception take place in a private house, the course followed is just the same as that already outlined in the chapter on home weddings. Unless her second marriage excites the deep disapproval of her first husband's family, the bride should send them invitations to the wedding and give them seats above the white ribbon.
It is usual to put off both the first wedding ring and the first engagement rings, when a second betrothal takes place. A man on making a second marriage follows precisely the same etiquette as that which he observed at his first wedding. He does not, it is true, give a farewell dinner to his bachelor friends; but in all other respects, the etiquette is the same in detail as that given in the paragraphs devoted to the duties of the groom.
Wedding Anniversaries
The order of wedding anniversaries runs as follows: First year — paper; fifth — wooden; tenth — tin; twelfth — leather; fifteenth — crystal; twentieth —
china; twenty-fifth — silver; thirtieth — ivory; fortieth — woolen; forty-fifth — silk; fiftieth — golden; and seventy-fifth — diamond. It has now become distinctly the custom to overlook all the anniversaries until the first quarter of a century of married life has been passed.
"Silver wedding" celebrations are frequent and may be charming social functions. There are divers ways of marking the twenty-fifth anniversary. To give a reception is most usual; to give a dinner party is next in favor; and to give a dance, following a dinner party or evening reception, is quite popular where there are unmarried daughters. But now and then the "silver wedding" is recognized in a more modest way — relatives and intimate friends only being invited to a small at home, or to a small family dinner party.
At a reception, a husband should assist his wife in receiving; and if a dinner party is given, it quite agrees with the sentiment of the occasion for him to lead the way to the dining-room with his wife on his arm and for her to occupy a seat at his right hand, as she may have done at their wedding breakfast of long ago. Husbands there are who object to occupying so prominent a position, and prefer that the usual precedence at dinner parties should not be departed from. At an anniversary dinner there are few variations from the rules for ordinary dinner parties as given in chapter four. The decorations should be white and green with silver, and bouquets of white flowers should be placed at every cover for the ladies, with boutonnières for the men. If a guest drinks to the health of the happy pair, they smile and bow their thanks; and the husband is at liberty, if he has the desire and gift, to make a little speech expressive of his happiness and sweetened with grateful and graceful sentiments concerning his wife.
If a dance is given, the husband and wife dance the first lancers together, the other couples including as many of the original bridal attendants as it is possible to gather together.
It is usual to cut an elaborate iced fruit cake at a silver wedding. The handsome loaf may appropriately bear the year of the first wedding and that of the anniversary, with the entwined monograms of the wife and husband. It is cut by the wife — at a reception, any time after a majority of the guests have arrived — at a dinner, when dessert is brought on. Champagne is usually poured at a wedding anniversary. When many invitations have been issued and a large number of gifts are received, the silver souvenirs, with the cards of the givers attached, are displayed in a room set apart for the purpose while the reception is in progress.
The Golden Wedding
It is given to few persons to commemorate fifty years of married life; and because of its rarity a "Golden Wedding" is the fitting title that the festivity bears. This romantic and touching custom is of German origin, but it has taken root in American soil to become nationally accepted, and the couple who celebrate their golden wedding usually make it the occasion of a great family reunion at an elaborate dinner, after which a reception is held. Not infrequently, however, the aged couple prefer an afternoon reception on purely conventional lines, receiving, with their children and grandchildren about them, in a drawing-room decked with yellow flowers.
Sending Bridal Gifts
Wedding gifts are sent to a bride-elect within three weeks or a fortnight of the day set for her marriage. The friends of the bride and groom do not wait to see if an invitation to the wedding is forthcoming before sending suitable bridal gifts. Mere pleasant visiting acquaintances of the families or the couple about to be united, do well sometimes to wait and see whether they are asked to a wedding before forwarding any presents. This is not an instance of cold calculation but a course prompted by genuine delicacy. A wedding gift from a person who has never been entertained by the bride, groom or their families is often regarded as a liberty and sometimes as a demand for a wedding card. As soon as an individual thus in doubt receives a card, a pleasant assurance is given and the gift may then be dispatched.
When wedding cards, extending an invitation to witness merely the church ceremony, are received by one who acknowledges only the most formal acquaintance with the bride or groom, or either of their families, there rests no obligation to send a gift. It would be perfectly proper to send one if the recipient of the cards wished to and many persons feel that the receipt of such cards calls for one. The obligation is indeed binding when the cards include an invitation to the reception or breakfast, as well as the church.
Many sensible persons who receive cards to the church from the bride or groom with whom only a recent and slight acquaintance is claimed, follow the middle course of sending the bride on her wedding day a box, basket or bouquet of flowers, accompanied by a card bearing congratulations.
A physician is not required to send a wedding gift on the marriage of a member of a family in which he has long been the chief medical adviser, unless cards to both church and house are sent him, or unless he enjoys social as well as professional connections with the family.
Persons in mourning send wedding presents, though they are not able to attend either he religious ceremony or reception. Those who feel themselves under obligations to the family of a bride or groom who have received substantial favors from either of the contracting parties, are privileged to send a wedding present even when very slightly acquainted with the bride or groom or their relatives. If the recipient of the wedding invitation is traveling abroad or is living a great distance from the scene of the wedding, a bridal present must be ordered and forwarded to the bride as conscientiously as if the giver purposed to be present at the ceremony.
Those who wish to send gifts to a couple celebrating either their silver or golden wedding — and let it be borne in mind that such gifts are nearly always expected — must forward their silver or golden contribution some days in advance of the festivity. The parcel containing the gift should be addressed to the husband and wife and be accompanied by the donor's visiting card bearing a written message of congratulation. When gifts are marked they should, unless intended for the use of either the husband or the wife individually, bear the initial of their surname.
Only the intimate friends and relatives of a bride are entitled to present their wedding gifts to her in person. The most conventional and usually the most convenient practice is to have the present forwarded direct to the home of the bride-elect from the shop at which it is purchased, together with the donorÕs visiting card, on which in pencil a kindly sentiment is in scribed, such as With sincere good wishes or With heartiest good wishes from — .
When a gift is sent from a distance it should be sent by express and the cost of its delivery prepaid. When wedding presents are marked, it must be with the initials of the bride's maiden name. It is not essential to have them marked, though it is more complimentary to do so. But it is most imperative that all the gifts not designed especially for the groom's individual use be sent to the bride at her own home. Few gifts indeed fall to the groom's share at all, since it is courteous and reasonable for even the friends of the groom, though they may not personally know his bride, to honor her with these tangible proofs of their good will and good wishes. None but members of the bride's and groom's immediate family or their most intimate friends should bestow a gift in the form of money; and bachelor friends as a rule do not present the bride with jewels, nor with any article of wearing apparel. When a man and wife send a wedding present, both their names are inscribed on one card enclosed with the present.
A wedding present sent after the marriage should be accompanied by an explanatory note, and should be forwarded to the bride at her husband's home.
Wedding Guests
Women in deep mourning do not take conspicuous seats at a church wedding, tactfully recognizing the inharmoniousness of their sombre weeds in the gayly gowned assembly.
Arrival at a church or home wedding should be so timed that the guest will be comfortably settled in his seat at least five minutes before the ceremony. Those who know they are to sit above the white ribbon may, to avoid any mistake on the part of the usher, quietly give him their names when he meets them in the aisles, and he will promptly lead the way to the proper pew.
It is the height of ill manners for anyone to force or steal a place in one of the reserved pews, when he is not intended to be there, or to complain of the seat assigned by the busy ushers, or to deliberately assume a better point of vantage to the annoyance and discomfort of others. At a church wedding, when the bridal party is expected, a lack of breeding as well as of reverence is displayed by whispering, making signals across the aisles to friends, waylaying the ushers with inquisitive questions and foolish requests, and, when the bride has arrived, by pushing forward and standing on stools in order to get a better view of the proceedings. After the ceremony, no well-bred person attempts to leave his seat until the last member of the bridal party has passed down the aisle; and then departure is made as quietly as when a congregation disperses after a Sunday service. When arriving very late at a church wedding it is only common consideration of others to enter by the side door and take the nearest available seat with the least possible disturbance.
Persons invited to the reception or breakfast following a church ceremony proceed directly to the home of the bride's parents at the conclusion of the church function. At the reception or breakfast, women lay aside their wraps. Men leave hats, coats, and canes in the dressing-room or hall, and drawing off the right-hand glove, enter the room where the reception is in progress behind the ladies whom they are attending. Those guests who lack acquaintance with the bride or the groom or both can accept the invitation of an usher to make an introduction in due form. It is quite unnecessary for a woman to require an introduction to the usher who accosts her at the door with the offer of his services. He is one of the accredited masters of ceremonies; therefore she is privileged to accept his assistance, give him her name, and with him join the line formed in the drawing-room, to be conducted in her turn to the bride and groom. At a large reception it is the guest's duty to fall into the line moving toward them and devote every energy and attention to greeting the bride and groom.
The Offering of Congratulations
By the strict rule of etiquette, there is first expression of good wishes to the bride and then congratulations ire extended to the groom. To reverse this order of felicitations would be a grievous social mistake, since the groom and not the bride is to be congratulated.
The simplest expression of good wishes is always preferable to attempts at high flown sentiments and lengthy flowery sentences or quotations. At a large reception, where many people are struggling to reach the bride and groom, brevity is more than almost anywhere else the soul of wit, as well as of tact. One who possesses a gift for framing graceful or clever phrases need not consult the formulas given below for those less gifted but none the less mindful of their social obligations. A woman may say to a bride, Let me wish you every happiness in your marriage. To the groom, I must congratulate you heartily on the supreme good fortune that is yours to-day. Or to both, I feel I cannot wish for you both any greater happiness than you have already found; or, You both have all the happiness good for mortals, but let me squeeze one little word more of good wishes and congratulations into your cup of content. A man may say to the bride, Pray accept my sincerest good wishes; and to the groom, I wish to offer you my heartiest congratulations. These are approved expressions of friendly feeling and are quite sufficient when there is not time, nor perhaps the courage, for anything farther. When a drawing-room is crowded with guests struggling to reach the bride and groom, it is a mistake to engage the busy couple in conversation. To the groom's parents it is not necessary to seek an introduction; but to the mother of the bride, the trite hostess of the occasion, a word at least of greeting must be spoken. Rarely has she an opportunity to listen to anything further than the formal How do you do accompanied, if the opportunity offers, by some kindly and complimentary speech.
At a large reception it is not necessary, after having spoken to the bride, the groom and the bride's parents, to enter the dining-room or to linger any length of time, to wait for the bride's departure, to bid her farewell, or to take leave of her mother. Every guest may consult his own pleasure as to how long a time he will remain. If in haste, one may slip away quietly, immediately after offering congratulations; or one may, after speaking to the bride and groom, go into the dining-room and partake of some refreshments and then go away.
When a formal breakfast or supper is served, the guests speak first to the host and hostess, then bride and groom, and then wait until all the bridal party have entered the dining-room. After this, men and women go in together and find seats at the tables as their preference or convenience dictates.
When toasts are proposed, glasses are touched; and if the newly married pair leave at once for their honeymoon, the guests crowd into the hallway to see the departure, and then take formal leave of the hostess, duly expressing to her their thanks for her hospitality. If wedding cake done up in small boxes has been placed in the hallway, every man or woman on going out takes one box — and only one, unless invited by the hostess to carry one to some friend or relative who was unable to attend the entertainment.
The Wedding Dress for Men
The essential dress for the groom at a wedding celebrated in the afternoon or morning consists of a black or dark blue frock coat, high white double-breasted piqué waistcoat or one that matches the coat in texture, gray trousers, white linen; a full-folded white silk or satin necktie or one having a white background relieved by figured decoration in color, and holding a pearl pin; gray suede gloves, patent leather shoes and a top hat. For a night wedding, complete evening dress is customary — namely, clawhammer coat, black trousers and low-cut white waistcoat, with small pearl studs in the immaculate shirt front, and a white lawn tie around a standing collar; and also white gloves and patent leather shoes.
To an afternoon or noon wedding the masculine guest wears a black frock coat, gray trousers, a waistcoat of white piqué or brown linen, or one that matches his
coat; patent leather shoes, gray gloves, white linen, a four-in-hand, Ascot or butterfly bow tie of satin or silk in a cheerful color, and a silk hat. At an evening wedding, full evening dress is the only costume possible. For a morning wedding, the same dress as for an afternoon ceremony is frequently adopted; but more suitable is a full suit of silver-gray wool, the coat a rather long cutaway; or what is known as the English walking coat. A black cutaway coat with waistcoat to match and gray trousers is always a proper costume. Gray gloves, patent leather or dull dongola shoes, white linen and a broadly-folded silk or satin tie, are the proper additions to either of these two costumes.
The best man dresses as nearly as possible like the groom. Ushers wear for morning and afternoon weddings, black frock coats, gray trousers; white piqué, brown vesting, or black waistcoats; gray gloves and full-folded neckties in a dark tone of silk picked out ill a brighter brocaded pattern. The boutonnières sent by the bride are always worn; and also are the groomÕs gifts, whether they take the shape of sleeve links or scarf pins. Ushers usually agree among themselves to dress as nearly alike as possible, and occasionally ushers serve at morning weddings in black cutaway coats and waistcoats, worn with gray trousers, or in completely suits of gray, with cutaway coats. Ushers remain fully gloved while serving in the aisles and taking part in the ceremony. For an evening wedding they wear full evening dress, the various items of which have just been set forth in describing the dress of a groom. Ushers do not carry their hats during the service, but leave them with some responsible person in the church vestibule. This person is ready at the conclusion of the ceremony to hand every gentleman his headgear as the procession passes out to the carriages. lf there is no aisle procession and the ushers go out at the rear of the church they leave their hats in the vestry room.
Wedding Dress for Women
It is not necessary to give directions regarding the dress of women guests at a wedding, beyond suggesting that the most elaborate afternoon reception costume is invariably worn to a church or house wedding held in the morning or the afternoon. Bonnets are not put off at a reception or a breakfast; gloves are laid aside only while one is in the act of eating. Wraps, at a reception or breakfast, are left in the hall or the dressing room.
At an evening wedding feminine guests wear elaborate décolleté toilets if they choose, or very elaborate high-throated, long sleeved reception toilettes without hats or bonnets. It is not proper for those ladies who sit above the white ribbon at a church ceremony to appear in deep mourning. Even the mother of the bride or the mother of the groom should, for the occasion, put off her mourning dress for a costume of gray and lilac, or black decorated with purple, though the day after the wedding she may resume her mourning weeds.
A maiden bride should dress in white and wear a veil. There is a reprehensible tendency to-day against the use of the veil, unless the bride is in her first youth and her wedding is celebrated with the pomp and circumstance of an exceedingly fashionable function. This is contrary to one of the oldest and
most charming customs which our civilization and society has inherited, a custom not to be lightly put aside . Even at the simplest home wedding, and when the bride perhaps has passed her first youth, the white gown, the orange blossoms and the filmy veil are essential outward signs of all the sweet dignity and precious sentiment that characterize this most important event of her life.
Whatever the material of the wedding dress may be its skirt should boast a train, and for morning or afternoon wedding the waist should be high in the throat and long in the sleeves. For an evening wedding a waist cut open in the throat and without sleeves, is good taste, and it is optional whether the veil is worn on or off the face. Tradition, the voice of which in this instance should exercise great persuasive powers with a bride, speaks, and rightly, in favor of a tulle veil that envelopes the whole figure. There is It modern fashion which favors the use of a lace veil merely as a delicate drapery falling from the wearer's high-combed hair, out upon her shoulders, and then to her train.
A few jewels only, and those preferably the gifts of the groom or the bride's nearest and dearest relatives, should be worn to the altar. There is a suggestion of vulgar ostentation in the sight of a bride who displays the barbaric riches and splendor of ropes of pearls and blazing diamonds on her throat and arms, in her hair, and upon her gown.
The white glove for the left hand is usually removed when the ring is placed. In order to take it off expeditiously it is well to carefully stretch it and try it on frequently beforehand. When the groom is ready to place the gold circlet, the bride should rapidly bare her hand by simply pulling her glove off inside out. No attempt is ever made to replace it until after leaving the church or, in case of a home wedding, until the ceremony is over.
Though the white gown and veil is, for a maiden bride, preferable to any other wedding dress, occasions occur when a walking suit is the most sensible and tasteful costume. Brides who are married before twelve o'clock, or who go directly from the altar to a train or boat, wear a becoming street dress of ladies' cloth, veiling or silk, in a pale shade of blue, brown, lilac, green or gray, relieved by touches of a lighter color, and probably lace or some decoration of diaphanous material near the throat. Gloves of suéde or glacé kid are worn to accord in tint with the color of the gown. A becoming toque or hat, garnished with plumes or flowers, and a bouquet of flowers or a prayer-book, are the chief adjuncts of this toilette.
On the occasion of a second marriage a bride wears a traveling gown of the type just described, or, when her wedding is elaborately celebrated in church, a handsome reception costume is suitable. This dress and her bouquet must not be purely white. A toilet of silver-gray or mauve cloth, silk, satin or velvet, set off by trimmings of lace, embroidery or fur, seems befitting. The skirt should be trained, the gloves white or of a very delicate tint, and a toque or bonnet of lace and flowers or jeweled net and tiny plumes, adds to the dignity of the wearer's appearance.
From: Encyclopaedia of Etiquette
What to do
What to Say
What to Write
What to War
A Book of Manners for Every Day Use
By Emily Holt
1901
